“Walking on the Fighting Side of Me”
I can be an angry kind of guy sometimes. Often when I am in the confines of my home, office, or car, some minor annoyance will cause me to start spouting out words and phrases that my mother CERTAINLY NEVER taught me nor approves. Nonetheless, rarely do I unload any kind of anger or even sarcasm directly towards anyone in person or on the Internet.
However, there are a few things for which I will not stand nor stay silent. Spreading patent lies about any subject about which I am knowledgeable (like my faith) is one. Another is a different kind of lie—two lies, actually—that most of you reading here have heard many, many times over the past two to three years.
As some of you may have read in a previous article of mine, I have no trouble at all with rival fans’ good-natured ribbings of Auburn or Auburn sports—it’s part of what makes following sports and being a fan worthwhile. And I can even ignore simple nasty razzes like “Auburn SUCKS” and just consider the source. But there are two things I will not tolerate from a Bama fan on a sports bulletin board or in person:
1) The statement “Auburn bought Cam Newton,” and 2) The epithet “little brother.”
I am going to post a transcript of a “discussion” I had on a Facebook group of which I am a member—a group that has nothing to do with AU, Bama, or football. I am not doing this for self-validation, or so you can see what a knight-in-shining-armor I was to the damsel-in-distress that is AU, or just to display a feeling of “backside hurt” requiring your sympathy to “make it all better.” I’m doing this more to make sure that you people (folks whose opinion I respect) didn’t think I went off the handle inappropriately, and to give us all a chuckle at the sheer stupidity from the “dark side” on display here.
The original poster teases his pals that Bama won’t win another National Championship, and some of his Bama-fan friends respond in truly good humor. Then I just pop in with a simple, non-obnoxious “WAR DAM EAGLE”—that’s when the bull manure starts from one of the Bama fans.
I am sick of hearing “Cam Newton” and “bought” in the same sentence, and I am NOT going to sit by and hear that crud. I wouldn’t have launched into this person if it weren’t for that and the “little brother” garbage. I have NO respect for anyone who pulls out those two anti-AU statements. Of course, the vapidity of “Bama #1” (the names have been changed to protect the idiotic) doesn’t end there—read for yourself:
Original Poster: Alabama will not win another national championship and Johnny Football has a drinking problem because of Sharknato
Bama #1: You Sir speak Blasphemy. ROLL TIDE!
Bama #2: Good thing Big Daddy is not around to hear you say that. ROLL TIDE!!!!!!!!
Bama #3: we’ll just see how good your predictive powers are….
Original Poster: Sharknato knows.
Bama #4: Roooooollll Tide! Ramma Jamma! Yellow Hammer! Give em’ hell Alabama!!!!
ME: All you Bama folks, listen up–WAR DAM EAGLE!!!
Bama #1: Hey Mike You only bought Cam for one year. Shut up.and get used to be little bro again.
ME: Oh boy, [Bama #1] is just another Bama genius who can’t accept the reality that AU beat them fair and square, and that NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING against the rules happened in the Cam situation with regard to Auburn (and nothing actually wrong happened except Cam’s father being an idiot with Miss. St.). And you know, you seem to be the guys obsessed with AU, not the other way around–so WHO is the REAL little brother, brother?
Bama #1: 15-2 I can accept you having a National Championship every fifty years no problem cuz.
ME: And [Bama #1] can’t even count REAL championships (including a bunch of fake ones)! Can’t read NCAA reports, can’t count, yeah, a real BAMA fellow there for sure!
Bama #1: Tell you what mikey. How many you barners wanna give us? 15, the 6 Coach Bryant won? Coach Stallings Championship?, the Three we have with Coach Saban?. Cool so we have 10 and if we use your logic you have 1 modern day. Works for me
ME: No, it’s 10 and 2, 1957 is just as modern as yours. Now, it’s a fact that y’all do have more (at least you have that much of the math right). Plus, if AU counted the way you do, it’s 15-9 and you still have more. And you know what, WE are just fine with that fact. SO, why are you SO freaking insecure and have to use “Got 15″ AND why do you even want to take away one of AU’s LEGITIMATE championships in this discussion? Looks like you just proved who is the little brother, even if you have more championships.
Bama #1: You need a hug?
Bama #1: So little bro making big bro feel inadequate?
ME: There you go again, the classic defense mechanisms of displaced anger and projection–since your words are worthless, other than to prove my own case, go ahead and have the last comment–goodbye.
The constant stream of idiocy on display here by “Bama #1” is simply amazing. But the main point I want to emphasize is the second-to-last comment I made. I have no problem acknowledging that Alabama has more National Championships, more SEC Championships, and more general success on the gridiron than does Auburn. I was even glad that Alabama crushed the pretenders known as Notre Dame into the ground last January (I hope that opinion does not get me deposed from my position here). What I just cannot understand is WHY these Bama fans must characterize AU as the “little brother”—a phrase that conveys much, much more inferiority than just being second-place in football success—and why most of these Crimson-clad Internet posters seem obsessed with denigrating AU for something it didn’t even do.
Well, I am NOBODY’S little brother (except to my older sister, of course). AU is NOBODY’S little brother at all. Furthermore, I will never, never, NEVER let pass the statement that “AU bought Cam” without picking the utterer of said statement apart and feasting on his or her bones. And I won’t be accused of “meanness” when I defend the truth in any context, much less when it involves AU itself.
Although after reading the transcript through a few more times again, I do have to say that I wasn’t very polite to this Bama fan, even from the beginning. But I don’t think I said anything that wasn’t true or fair game, especially following the aforementioned bull manure in his response to me.
Well, what do you think, folks? Was I merely acting “backside hurt” or self-righteous, or did I do my best to properly put an Internet moron in his place? How would y’all have handled this? I am curious to know, especially after my last article regarding being a good example as an Auburn man or woman.
I hope I did not dishonor any of you in my actions, but this kind of passion is the direction in which I will always err in my love for Auburn. I await my judgment from you, my peers.
(who stands up for Auburn, and won’t fall for anything!)