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Updated Thoughts on Coaches…

By on November 30th, 2012 in Member Post 19 Comments »

I’m going to keep this as short as possible, and add my two cents on the latest and greatest rumors I’m hearing about the coaching search.  I’ve looked into it more and made some more conclusions based what I’ve been hearing and what is going on.  My number one choice is now, (and probably always was), Bobby Petrino.  The more I read about what people are saying the more disenfranchised I become.  Every time I see an Auburn person on TV saying “I think Chizik should have gotten another year’, all I can think is one thing:

Are you (fricking) stupid?

Were you not WATCHING the last two years?  Did you not pay attention this year?  Are you a complete mother(fricking) moron?  There was absolutely no justifiable reason to keep Chizik around.  If you think so, you either know nothing about football, business, or both.  Please, whatever you do, don’t procreate.  There are enough stupid people in the world.  We don’t need more. 

Yes, some of the old CapnVegetto anger is back.  The stuff I’m seeing is dragging it out of me.  As far as the coaching candidates go, I’ve looked into it more, and come to a few more conclusions.  I’ll put them after the names:


How anybody could actually WANT this guy is beyond me.  The more I research him, the less I like him.  Here is the bottom line:  Jimbo Fisher is coaching at Florida State, and is perenially underacheiving.  He reminds me a lot of both Mark Richt and Tommy Tuberville.  Every year, their teams have a game or two where the team just looks like complete crap and loses to a team they never should lose to.  This year, Jimbo Fisher lost to NC State.  That is PATHETIC.  With that talent, that team, and that schedule, that is BEYOND PATHETIC.  FSU plays in the damn ACC.  The ONLY games they should EVER be in danger of losing are Florida, MAYBE Clemson, and any high profile out of conference team.  The rest of their games should be chalked up wins, period.   Anything less is failure.  Again, they play in the damn ACC with LOADS of talent.  If he can’t win the stupid ACC, how in the hell do you think he is going to do in the SEC playing tough teams all year round?  Do you have ANY reason to think that he won’t be the same or worse then he is?  PLEASE stop with the ‘he’s a good guy’, ‘he coached at Auburn’, ‘he coached with Nick Saban’ crap.  I don’t give a rat’s ass if he’s a good guy, I don’t care if he EVER coached at Auburn.  People need to get their priorities in line.  We don’t want a damn preacher.  We want somebody that is going to run a $100 million dollar program and be successful with it, thereby transferring that success to the rest of the university’s athletic programs which depend on the football program for their funding.  Stop thinking with your damn emotions and use logic. 


Kirby Smart is not coming here.  There are many reasons why, but here are some of the main ones.  First, I very much doubt that they will hire a Bammer assistant to be head coach at Auburn.  Even if they did, Smart would never take the job.  Why?   Because Smart wants the Bama job, and if he coaches at Auburn, the turds will NEVER hire him after Saban retires.  Nevertheless, it is a good thing, because Kirby Smart has never shown me one damn thing that makes me think he will be a successful head coach, nor does he have any type of record to run on.  I’ve said it plenty of times–I don’t want a damn unknown quantity.  I want a PROVEN WINNER.


Just stop dreaming.  Ain’t gonna happen.


REALLY not going to happen.  Why in the hell would you leave a multi-million dollar a year stress-free commentator job to take a high-pressure, quadurple the workload coaching job at an embattled university competing against Nick Saban?  Yeah, I thought so.


I’d love to see him here, although I do have several question marks.  There is no doubt that this guy can flat out coach.  But you have to remember, he is at BOISE FRICKIN STATE.   He plays a nothing schedule every year, and never has to show more than about 30% of his playbook to win games, save for the 1 or 2 moderately tough games he has to play.  I’m interested to see how he’d do in the SEC.  Personally, I think he could handle it and would be successful at Auburn, but there is one GIGANTIC question mark that scares me about him:  Can he recruit?  At Boise State he doesn’t have to do that.  Any kid in the state of Idaho that is even remotely decent at football wants to play for him.  Every year, he just has to sit down with his assistants and pick the kids he wants.  He doesn’t have to do the recruiting dance and compete like he would here.  That is the only real concern I have with him, and there is no way to know if it would matter or not.  I don’t think he’s coming anyway, because his name has come up several times the last few years and he’s never left for anywhere.  There is a reason for that.  He is a demigod in the state of Idaho that can do no wrong.  He makes millions and doesn’t have to work half as hard as other major college coaches for it.  He doesn’t have to recruit, plays a wimp schedule, and collects his money.  Like Jon Gruden, that’d be a tough gig to give up.


I think we have at least a small chance to get him, and I’d be happy with it, although I have some concerns.  There were some Chizik-esque lapses in discipline in his team this year, and that scares me.  However, he’s taken a nobody in TCU and made them relevant.  That is a good thing, and a proven record of winning. 


Put the crackpipe down.  You’re not going to get him unless you’ve got more money than T. Boone Pickens, and last time I checked, Bill Gates or the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia were not Auburn alum.  Pickens will not let him go.  He’s a damn good coach, and would be a good hire, but we can’t afford him.  Until he falls out of favor with Picken$$$$$, nobody can.


I think he would be a good hire, but I still don’t think we’ll get him.  Again, Louisville has publicly stated that they want to keep him, and will pay whatever is necessary to do so.  Right now, I don’t think we want to get into a bidding war with anybody after shelling out $11 million bucks to fire the last guy.  I could be wrong on this one, but I don’t think it’s going to be Charlie Strong.


Until he wins again, he’s a fluke.  On top of that, he’s been linked with some NCAA violations and has a history of team discipline problems.  No thank you.


I’d take him in a second.  He’s a good coach, and has made one of the lowest budgeted teams in the SEC into a winner.  They can’t quite get over the hump, but years of being a doormat will do that to you.  The football psyche takes a while to fix, and Mullen is well on the way to doing that.  He runs the spread, he coached Cam at Florida, and he’s taken a loser program and made them in perennial bowler and is on the way to making them a contender.  Sign me up for some of that.


I don’t know much about him, but he’s like Gus Malzhan.  He’s winning, but with somebody else’s players and built program.  He’s good, but nowhere near the offensive genius of Malzhan.  I’d rather have Malzhan, but I would definitely give David Shaw a chance if they hired him.


Not happening.  He’s winning at Tampa, and we could’t afford to pull him away from an NFL job.  It doesn’t matter anyway, success in the NFL does NOT transfer to success in college, and vice versa.  Anybody remember Dave Wannstadt?


Nothing has changed.  He’s still my number 2 choice behind Bobby Petrino. 

And finally……


This guy should, without a single doubt, be the next head football coach at Auburn University.  He has the best resume, the best pedigree, the most solid, proven record, and we can get him CHEAP.  We will be able to hire him for no more than a million or two per year, with no buyout clause, and a contract FULL of good behavior clauses.  If he’s unsuccesful, we could fire him with no consequences.  We could lace his contract with performance incentives and would only have to pay him if we won.  In terms of getting what you pay for, it’d be like getting Donald Trump to come run your McDonalds for $5 bucks an hour.  Of course, there are detractors that say a lot of dumb things.  Let’s look at them:

1.  He’s a felon!!

No he’s not.  He’d be in jail if he was.  He’s an as-hole, sure, but he’s not a felon.  Anyway, that doesn’t matter.  The fact that he did what he did does nothing but help us get him cheaper, and allows us to get rid of him cheaper should things go bad.  Life is full of trades, and you have to weigh the pros and cons of everything.

2.  He’s 0-4 against Bammer!!!

So (fricking) what?  Tuberville was 0-4 against Bammer until he came to Auburn, then he promptly beat them 6 times in a row.  Stupid argument that has no relevance in reality. 

3.  He’s a womanizer!!!

So was Terry Bowden.  So was Pat Dye.  Lots of people conveniently forget that.

4.  He’s not a nice person/bad person/doesn’t fit the Auburn creed/blah blah blah

Oh for the love of God, STOP.  THIS DOES NOT MATTER.  He is a winner.  He took a nothing program with little resources at Arkansas and made them nationally relevant.  The 4-7 team this year would probably have been at least 7-4 or 8-5 MINIMUM with Petrino coaching and calling plays.  He’s taken 3 different teams to BCS bowls.  How many coaches have done that?  I don’t care if he dresses up in a leather hood with a zipper over the mouth and screws chickens if he WINS.  One thing we can all agree on:  Bobby Petrino is one of the most brilliant offensive minds in all of football.  Nobody is disputing that.  We have a chance to get him for very little, on OUR terms.  How anyone can not see the good business sense of doing that is absolutely beyond me.

The search continues, and unfolds a bit more each day.  I’m getting more excited because I’m not hearing any overly stupid names yet, with the exception of Kirby Smart.  Even Jimbo Fisher, while sucking, would at least be OK.  I’m beginning to think this won’t be Chizik 2.0.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed. 

Wow, I didn’t keep that short at all.


  1. mikeautiger says:

    Football influences everything and everyone at Auburn University. The Auburn Creed! Just like all those people that voted for Obama…they got what they wanted……..But there will be a Huge price to pay down the line!!

  2. BigDaddyAU says:

    Capt I normally respect what you say. Today I disagree with you. Petrino may not be a convicted felon but what he did is criminal. That he has not been prosecuted says something. He may be the best coach available, but you CAN NOT expect any different actions from him than what he has already been shown. It is a sad commentary on society today where this man even gets mentioned for a position of influence over impressionable young people.

    For anyone reading this, could you go to bed with a clear conscience knowing what you know about Petrino and having him as a mentor for your child? Hmm.

    War Eagle Forever..

    • CapnVegetto says:

      I’m not disputing that at all. I actually agree with you. All I’m saying is that you have to take emotion out of the equation and make the best BUSINESS decision for the $100 million dollar BUSINESS that is Auburn football.

      Certainly parents had no problem sending their kids to him at Arkansas. He did much better than that school usually does in recruiting. He also had very few discipline problems when there, especially compared to Houston Nutt. (I know, I live in Arkansas). Why was that? It was BECAUSE he was an a-hole. He was like Saban. Kids knew if you come there, you either keep straight and perform, or you’re gone.

      There is a very good point made about Petrino, though, in a later post.

  3. TigerintheHass TigerintheHass says:

    You are dead-on about Jimbo Fisher. He should be winning the ACC. He hasn’t won it once since he’s been at FSU, which is like 5 years now. He may win it this year, if they don’t choke against GA Tech. He looks great on paper and recruits like a maniac but I am very underwhelmed by his results at FSU. What scares me is he probably would take the job and jump ship as the ACC flounders.

    I disagree about Kirby Smart. He is my top choice. Saban’s not going anywhere for probably at least 5 years, and the next HC at Bama will have the hardest job known to man. Why anyone would want to follow Nick Saban’s act is completely beyond me. There needs to be a rebound coach in between to absorb the shock. Besides, he’s a UGA guy, and I think he would take that job in a heartbeat if it opened up. If he came to Auburn he could flip recruits (anyone remember TJ Yeldon?) and he knows Bama’s offense. And we could stick it to Bama. Sounds like a “smart” hire to me. But because this makes too much sense, Auburn will undoubtedly pass.

    Dan Mullen is a good coach but I feel like he had some participation in the Cam Newton scandal that could have ruined everything for us in 2010. Gross.

    Can we really not lure Charlie Strong from the University of LOUISVILLE? Did anyone see the game last night? Thrilling finish and great win for Strong and the stadium was dead quiet because UL has no road fans. Also they just joined the craptastic ACC. He’s in his 50s now – if he wants real glory as a HC, this is his chance.

    You are also right about Peterson – he is sitting pretty in a blue field with lots of money and no real expectations. Every year is a great year with an easy schedule. He can just say “the BCS is robbing us again” and buy another ski chalet to make himself feel better while everyone talks about what a great coach he is. He ain’t comin’.

    I have my doubts about Petrino, and the phrase “if you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty” comes to mind, but if he sees this as a true chance for redemption, and the contract is drafted correctly, I think you are right he could be the answer.

    • CapnVegetto says:

      Fisher: Cool. I agree.

      Smart: Recruiting schmecruiting. Chizik recruited top 10 classes almost every year. It doesn’t make a rat’s ass if those recruits aren’t coached. Granted, he would probably do a better job than Chizik, but hell, I could do a better job than Chizik. It seems to me that your entire arguement for Smart is built upon recruiting and not upon experience, results, or coaching ability. I have seen none of the latter three qualities in him. He’s never been a head coach, and he could turn out to be a monster winner like Saban, but the simple fact is, we don’t know. I’m not in a mood to take another shot in the dark after what happened 4 years ago. I want a PROVEN WINNER.

      Mullen: In business, the first thing you do is check your ego and baggage at the door. I don’t care what he did in 2010. This is 2012, and the man is good at what he does. I’d take him in a second.

      Strong: I wouldn’t mind him at all, but he’s publicly saying he doesn’t want to leave Louisville. I’d say ‘yeah right whatever’ if Louisville wasn’t saying they’d do whatever it takes to keep him. 1 source = maybe not true. 2 sources = no way.

      Petersen: Totally agree. I’d loop him in with Gruden. He’s taking baths in chocolate with Playboy bunnies while Smurfturf nation lines up to adore him with praise for essentially winning every game on a schedule that Vanderbilt would win every game on. He ain’t goin anywhere.

      Petrino: You may be right. We’ll see.

  4. Tiger on the mountain Tiger on the mountain says:

    I agree with you about Fischer (gasp!)……the rest, not so much.

  5. Wombat Wombat says:

    I’ve got three issues with hiring Petrino that you (and really, no body else that I’ve seen) haven’t addressed.
    1) Auburn Athletics feels like it’s coming apart at the seams, with too many ex-coaches and BoT members, and who-knows-who trying to interfere. We need a coach that can stand up to that. It’s true that BP has a reputation as an A-Hole (which is kind of what we need), but can we really expect him to stand up to the powers that be, after those same PTB just gave him a gift of a job?

    2) Everybody is assuming that he will be as good of a coach after his scandal as he was before. That may be true, but it’s not guarantied. How long has it taken Tiger Woods to regain his form (is he back yet)?

    3) Even if we assume that he’s the best coach available (arguable, especially since that is defined differently by different people), he’s not the only coach available that could be great at Auburn. Why risk polarizing the fan base when we can get someone else (because none of the other names are really ‘bad’ coaches)?
    I don’t see how we can bring in a coach that will polarize the fan base as much as BP will,

    • CapnVegetto says:

      1) Good point, but I think specifically because of Petrino’s personality he won’t give a crap. On top of that, the same Good ol’ Boys that you are talking about were the very ones going behind Tuberville’s back during Jetgate begging Petrino to come be the coach. If he starts winning, he’ll quickly gain more power, and believe me, he WILL be winning.

      2) Might be true, but that’s one of the good things here. If he does end up having lost his touch, because of the way things ended at Arkansas and the way his contract will be structured, we’ll be able to get rid of him essentially scott free if that happens. There isn’t really anybody else on the list that fits that criteria. That’s good business and financial sense, especially after you just spent $11 million bucks firing the last guy.

      3) Remember how pissed off everybody was when Gene Chizik was hired? Remember how quickly that all went away when he started making good decisions and winning? Winning cures everything, and my personal belief is that Bobby Petrino will be winning, and winning quickly. If he gets Auburn back contending for the SEC, nobody will care anymore. We polarized the fan base with the Chizik hire, and 2 years later we were national champions. We paid for it later, but in the end, was it worth it? You have to ask yourself that question. My gut feeling is that it was, and I’m willing to take that chance with Petrino because I believe he will win quickly, and I believe he is a FAR better coach than Chizik. His record certainly says so.

  6. domaucan1 domaucan1 says:

    Are we ready to amend the Auburn Creed to read, “Except for football.”?

    WAR EAGLE !!!

    GO BIG BLUE !!!

    • CapnVegetto says:


      I swear, if I read one more post about the Auburn Creed I’m going to go on a moral killing spree.

      The Auburn Creed is not criteria by which we hire a football coach, nor is it a line by which you spend your day judging other people. It is a tenat by which you can try to live your OWN life.

      Also, see the next post by TigerintheHass.

  7. TigerintheHass TigerintheHass says:

    The Auburn Creed starts out with “I believe this is a practical world” which, to me, means we accept people aren’t perfect. It also means we realize that football success is what allows our university to thrive financially, which means we have to do what we have to do to win. Losing, even with the moral high ground, means empty stands and empty coffers.

  8. Tigerz Tigerz says:

    There are things that are more important than football. Auburn University was not founded so a football team would have a place to play and practice. The last four years have been pure hell on the reputation on our great university. Face it … we are currently the laughing stock of college football. I had a guy from WVU just today tell me “I can’t believe you would admit you’re an Auburn grad.” You put yourself above reproach. Jacobs and Chizik have not done that.

    If you can put your feelings for Auburn aside (I can’t), there’s another reason not to hire Petrino … anywhere! He’s divisive. He will absolutely rip the alumni family in two. It’s naive to think any selection is going to be unanimous. Nonetheless, it makes no sense to bring in a coach who is going to lose half the fanbase before he plays his first down.

  9. spanky says:

    Let’s just bring chizik back and have this conversation next year. Just kidding. In the end it’s football for me. I never attended AU and I’m from Georgia. For whatever reason I started liking the Tigers as a kid(probably the blue and orange color and tiger mascot). Morals only get you so far in business. Eventually you’re gonna need the ‘X’ factor and be able win at all costs. If college football wasn’t such a money generator then it could be looked at different, but we gotta win…bottom line.

  10. Acid Reign Acid Reign says:

    …..I have to say, Vegetto has probably the best argument I’ve read for hiring Petrino. I’m still revulsed by the man. If he’s hired, a chunk of our fanbase will balk. If he wins early and often, you’re right. Especially if off-field trouble stays at bay. Tickets will be in demand again.

    …..My question is this: he’s never stayed anywhere over 4 years. How’s their recruiting looked at the end of that period? Arkansas looks like a 4-8 senior-laden team that’s gonna crash even harder next season…..

  11. spanky says:

    I think we are way overrating the recruiting issue. Most of the teams that recruit well always do no matter who the coach is. Plus we have had way better teams with lower ranked recruited classes. Also I think the powerhouses year in and out do good weather they are loaded with seniors or not.