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This doesn’t have anything to do with Auburn or football….

Photo from

To the tune of “Synchronicity I” by The Police

I’m fifty
It’s nifty
But it’s iffy
What they’re doing to me

No romance
No slow dance
Please take off your pants

Don’t know what they’re gonna find (Don’t know what they’re gonna find)
Looking into my behind (Looking into my behind)
Wonder what’s inside my gut (Wonder what’s inside my gut)
Flying monkeys out my butt? (Flying monkeys out my butt?)

Drink this stuff
Not too rough
Hope it is enough
To clean inside of me

Though I’m sore
Gotta go more
Don’t block the bathroom door

I’m not meaning to be rude (I’m not meaning to be rude)
Just how long is that tube (Just how long is that tube)
Are they putting it all in (Are they putting it all in)
Will it come out near my chin (Will it come out near my chin)

They’re done here
With my rear
I’m good for eight whole years


Okay, here’s the much better original:

Michael Val

(who will be “taking one for the team” this Wednesday!)


  1. AubTigerman AubTigerman says:

    Been there several times … not pleasant. Will keep you in thoughts & prayers brother.

  2. mvhcpa says:

    Thank you for all your good thoughts and prayers–went through it just fine and am A-OK now–plus they didn’t find anything wrong! MVH

  3. gonecoastal says:

    MVH: had one last spring, and the first words I heard regaining consciousness were “polyp farm.” That wasn’t encouraging, but none of the 25 polyps removed were cancerous, so I gotta’ tell you that it’s worthwhile.

    But since they found so many, it looks like I’ll be singing the Police again next spring.