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Riding Off Into the Sunset

By on November 23rd, 2012 in Football 22 Comments »

Auburn’s disastrous season will finally come to a close tomorrow in the tragic city. The Tigers have left a cornucopia worth of disappointment in their wake and are on the eve of suffering the worst Iron Bowl loss in the history of the program. The transformation from powerhouse to punchline is complete.

Bo Jackson would have totally beaten Forrest Gump in a foot-race AND ping-pong. Yes, I went there.

 Things are most likely going to get out of hand quickly tomorrow. I can’t wait to see how many sweeps we run or how many more carries Onterio McCalebb receives than Tre Mason or what songs the clever people working the sound department at Alabama have decided to play pregame. I also can only imagine how much Finebaum and his legion of goons must be loving the current state of our program. I’m sure it is producing some classic radio that would (if discovered) deter any extraterrestrials from over visiting our planet in hopes of discovering intelligent life. 


 Jay Jacobs has hitched his wagon to Chizik’s. Or has he? If Auburn fans are lucky, there will be a serious house-cleaning at Auburn soon. 

Goodbye white pullover fashion trend. You should have known it would never work out between us. You were too impossible to eat BBQ with.

Thank you Jay, for your excellent buy-out negotiation skills.

 This is the man we entrusted our football program to:

 And while the college football world is apparently turning inside-out and imploding on itself, Notre Dame has crept up like a thief in the night and claimed the number 1 spot in the most recent BCS standings. What the what?!


Here is a picture of the scene that unfolded as Lou Holtz reacted to Notre Dame’s BCS spot: 

“I’ve been trying to tell you all about thixs for yearsxs.”

So far authorities have confirmed 4 drowning victims while over a hundred remain missing or are presumed dead. It was indeed a tragic event. In honor of their sudden relevancy, Notre Dame will wear a special helmet in their next game honoring one of their most die-hard supporters.

When he was informed of the honor, Regis Philbin promptly removed his shirt and streaked through Manhattan until he was able to be corralled into an alley by the NYPD.


 This wouldn’t be a true Thanksgiving-esque post without me pointing out something for us all to be thankful for. So let’s all be thankful that on Sunday this entire mess will be over and Gene Chizik will likely be trying to figure out how to pack all of his ugly shirts and leather jackets in such a manner that they don’t get mistaken for movie props for a film set in the 1970’s. 

We will never forget you, Glen.

This officially marks the end of my first full season blogging for the Tigers. Needless to say, things DID NOT go as I expected. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. No matter what happens tomorrow, I’ll still take pride in being a member of the Auburn family. Here’s to better times ahead on the plains. War Eagle everybody. I hope you all are able to enjoy the holiday weekend with your families and friends. 


  1. restless6 says:

    You are the photoshop master. I love it!!!

  2. The Smarch The Smarch says:

    This is all very fine and good, but how can I buy one of those Montcler replica watches?

  3. AETiger AETiger says:

    You’ve out done yourself with this one. Nice work.
    What is the deal with these ads?

    • AubTigerman AubTigerman says:


      We had some Spam get through our security during the night.

      We are working on preventing that from happening.

  4. KoolBell KoolBell says:

    My eyes..MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!

    Well done.

  5. domaucan1 domaucan1 says:


    GO BIG BLUE !!!

    BEAT BAMA !!!

  6. Tiger on the mountain Tiger on the mountain says:

    I knew today would be special!

    On tap: exterior illumination. We watched Christmas family vacation for inspiration. Also, I know what to get Chizik for the holidays…..a faux turtleneck shirt with scary skinny polyester pants. He needs to look sharp for upcoming interviews.

    Tomorrow, I’m tempted to get some Proseco to toast the end of this season. My fear is that they wait until December 1st to pull the trigger. We will all go mad with restlessness….pops of ToTM thinks that the hammer will drop swiftly and someone other than chizik will handle the post game presser…..

  7. Jay Coulter Jay Coulter says:

    Awesome as always Derrick! Funny stuff!

  8. Derrick Roberts Derrick Roberts says:

    I’m glad I got this post up properly. My wife and I were out battling the Black Friday crowd at Best Buy last night so she could pick out a new camera. I’m not sure how good of a deal we got, but she’s too excited about it. I bet she’s taken 200 pictures this morning. I wish we had it last night so we could have taken pictures of all the lines and people swarming merchandise. Craziness!

  9. mikeautiger says:

    I heard it would be Dec. 1 from people close to the source. If they are going to do it, just do it Sunday, what is a few more dollars, just go up on the ticket prices again and empty another quauter of the stadium for next year. But what if they say, give it the old college try one more year Gene?!…

    Go Tigers! Beat bama!

  10. MyAuburn myauburn says:

    One week to save 2.5 mil, I can wait that long.

  11. uglyjoe says:

    I have prediction, and seeing that I am almost next to last in front of War Eagle Atlanta in the Yahoo pool, my predicting aint great, but here it goes anyway…

    I predict that Chizik will resign on Monday. He will say that it’s all his fault, and fall on his sword over NCAA issues. There will be a back room deal worked out where he gets a very nice parting gift, but much less than 7.5MM.

    Luper and Trooper will be the un-named scapegoats, and somebody will leak that they are responsible for all the problems. They will be fired in shame.

    The rest of the staff will get whatever their buyout is, and they will be working somewhere else next year, no foul.

    There will be a new coach within a week. I believe he already is in place. I say that in hopes that our administration is not a stupid as they appear to be.

    Jay Jacobs will resign after the end of the year. Family pressures, health, something like that….again, a nice parting gift will be part of the deal.

    Auburn will save face because they wont be firing the national championship coach. Chizik will save face because he will take the high road while somebody blames it on Luper and Trooper.

    Or maybe not….

    • Derrick Roberts Derrick Roberts says:

      From what I have gathered and processed from things I have read on some other Auburn “insider” sites it is definitely a legitimate possibility that the next coach is already or very close to being in place. Of course, this is just sheer speculation from vague snippets of information I’ve seen. It could be the complete opposite.

      • mvhcpa says:

        What scares me about that is WHAT coach could we have already bagged right now–Petrino and yet-another-also-ran of some sort are the only things I can think of.

        Michael Val
        (who says win. lose, or tie, I’m for AUBURN till I die!–oh, I forgot you can’t tie anymore)

        • mikeautiger says:

          You have to say tie cause it rhymes with dye, it’s just a way of saying you are with the tigers no matter what. Yes us old guys remember such things as ties, back when it was a mans game.

  12. MyAuburn myauburn says:

    Another outstanding set of pics Derrick. You are the Mac Daddy of Photoshop. Now if we can someone who can coach football as well as you do Photoshop……

  13. Randyc37 Randyc37 says:

    I agree about the next coach possibly being in place. He may already be coaching in the State of Arkansas. He would be able to bring back the spread offense and get Auburn through next seasom with minimal pain.

    • restless6 says:

      Please God, not Malzahn.

      His hands are dirty just like Troopa and Loopa.

      Petrino over Malzahn.

  14. almightytmc1 says:

    Kudos on an entertaining look at AU football. Great and well timed. Its a classic brother.