Pat Dye’s Pants Step into Controversy
Pat Dye has weighed into controversy for the first time in a while by declaring that former secretary of state Condoleeza Rice isn’t, er, eh, qualified… to sit on next year’s FBS playoff selection committee. Sounds legit coming from Pat:
“All she knows about football is what somebody told her. Or what she read in a book or what she saw on television. To understand football, you’ve got to play with your hand in the dirt.”
Coach Dye promptly took an abrupt three minute coughing break and a quick timeout for Golden Flake before brushing up on international law and treaties 101.
“I love Condoleezza Rice and she’s probably a good statesman and all of that, but how in the hell does she know what it’s like out there when you can’t get your breath and it’s 110 degrees and the coach asks you to go some more?”
I believe the correct terminology is statesperson, Pat. We haven’t used statesman referring to female heads of state and diplomatic personnel since the days when football coaches also wore the AD cap on campus. Plus, the dead-end conjunction and all of that pretty much signifies that you’re sitting your starters for the second half of that argument. Or playing for the tie.
Look, as the alleged sexist, misogynistic chauvinist in residence on this blog (remember Mo Isom), I think the old boy has a point, and I’m not going to just let him one-hop his point like a Pat Washington pass without at least trying to provide a little Brent Fulwood toss sweep myself. Look, it’s not because she’s missing a Y chromosome. She’s missing X and O chromosomes.
The gentleman from Auburn, Alabama has the floor:
Cough, cough. (clearing throat)
In this politically correct world, it’s far too easy and fatal to assume Condi couldn’t line up in a 3-point stance on the selection committee because of her gender or color. Pat was just trying to say that she didn’t have enough of a football background to qualify her for such a lofty position, no matter how many times she dressed down Putin in her career, or lobbied for the NFL commish-ship after her eligibility had expired following the Bush administration. She’s got Arab street cred, but none for the gridiron.
It would be like trying to promote any of the editors on this blog for the job. Or Paul Finebaum.
Actually, Paw would be supremely qualified just as long as Alabama was in the running and Auburn or LSU weren’t. But you get the point. You don’t have to have played. You just have to be an insider. Token picks are no solution. Just look at my pick em results from last week.
How many other CFB babes could you move ahead of Condi? Sam Ponder. Maria Taylor. Tracy Wolfson. Holly Rowe. Brett Beliema’s wife. And the departed Erin Andrews. Has anyone seen her without her glasses recently?
Look, a job as important as playoff selecting shouldn’t be turned over to rank amateurs. They did that to the blogs some years ago and you see how far downhill that’s gone.
And don’t look for ole Pat to make any more comments surrounding this statement. It’s third and long and he needs Jack Crowe to run it up the middle. And he left his prepared statement in his other pants.