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News Flash: Bret Bielema is a Moron

By on August 18th, 2014 in Football 11 Comments »

Bret-Bielema-topless-2It’s understandable to have some envy and animosity toward another coach and program; especially when that coach started in the SEC the same year as you and managed to win a championship while you continue looking for your first conference win.

But encouraging your people to “knock the s**t” out of fans from another school takes things to a whole new level. Arkansas coach Bret Bielema has spread his hate from Gus Malzahn to the entire Auburn fan base.

Trying desperately to connect with his fans after a disastrous inaugural season in Fayetteville, Bielema encouraged the Razorback faithful to put a hurtin on any Auburn fans trying to video Saturday’s practice.

“If you see someone videotaping, tell them that ain’t right,” Bielema said. “Especially if they’re wearing an Auburn shirt, knock the s**t out of them.”


I just can’t picture Malzahn or even Spurrier or Saban saying something like that to their fans. It just sounds small, especially considering his John Candy shaped body will show up in Auburn flanked by state troopers.

Not only has Bielema been a flop on the field, he’s got to be an embarrassment to the Arkansas fans and alumni. The last thing he needs is to add fuel to the Auburn rivalry. The opener in two weeks could get monumentally ugly in a hurry…

Now that the SEC Network is here, what is your take on the first few days? I’ll give it a passing grade so far, with interesting interviews with commissioner Mike Slive and legendary broadcaster Brent Musburger to open the network.

The on-air studio talent leaves a little to be desired. Count me as a big Tim Tebow fan, but he has a long ways to go as a broadcaster. Ditto for former Alabama quarterback Greg McElroy. The Eddie Haskell look is wearing thin quick.

If there was ever a body built for radio it’s Paul Finebaum’s. Listening to him on the car radio is bad enough. Having to look at him for four hours is like having a colonoscopy without anesthesia.

If network officials are smart enough to get the talent corrected, the network has a chance to be a huge hit. Give credit to Slive for getting it on-air in more than 95 million homes. Personally, I can’t wait for Thursday night’s showing of Bo, Barkley and the Big Hurt. The ary looks at the Auburn careers of Bo Jackson, Charles Barkley and Frank Thomas. Outside of now, this had to be the heyday of Auburn athletics. The show airs at 8 p.m. CT…

There were no surprises in the preseason AP Top 25 Poll. Maybe Auburn falling to sixth was a mild surprise, but the good thing is, it doesn’t matter anymore. Under the stupid BCS system, where you started the season in the polls could seal your fate before the first snap – see 2004.

The new college football playoff has me more optimistic about the future of the game than at any time in my life. As kids, could we have dreamed of having meaningful bowl games, a champion decided on the field and our very own conference network?

These are clearly, the best of times. For those of you at home keeping score, kickoff is 12 days from now.


  1. win4au says:

    Burt is just a scared little boy inside that bowling pin shaped body. It’s sad really. He was a non-factor in the SEC last season and I believe this season might be the same. His days are numbered.
    As for the SEC network. I will probably switch channels when McElroy is commentating (if that’s what he want to call it). That guy sucks. And ESPN hates Auburn.

  2. WarEagleEngr says:

    Too bad Bielema will only be around another two seasons or so, to provide this sort of entertainment. We haven’t had a spectacle like this since Lane Kiffin roamed UT’s sidelines.

  3. DBAU81 says:

    Bert is a jackass, but it would be a mistake to him off so soon until he gets a couple of recruiting classes under his belt and some time to develop them. For all of his success on the field, Petrino was not known as a particularly strong recruiter and didn’t leave much talent stockpiled in Fayetteville when he rode his Harley off into the sunset. Personally, I want Bert to win just enough to hang around for a while so he can add a little spice to the rivalry with the Hogs. As for this year’s game, I have a feeling that it’s going to be closer than many of us seem to expect. There’s always a few kinks to work out during any first game, and some of our players have commented that last year’s game with Arky was the most physical of the entire season. At any rate, it can’t get here soon enough. Fire up the BBQ and let’s smoke some pork. WDE!

  4. sullivan013 sullivan013 says:

    I must stay that Bert and I do agree on one thing: He isn’t a comedian.

    Comedians usually tell jokes. Clowns almost never do.

    • wde1988 wde1988 says:

      That’s Funny.

      In the sad tradition of john l smith… this fat man is just getting warmed up. But don’t worry he couldn’t carry a tune even if it had handles. BL: i too predict he gets fired at the end of this season. He is a terrible coach.

      Arkansas will turn to a known entity, a home town kid… and say the words “mamma is calling”… well that and a substantial figure with six zeros. Even I will be surprised at what Gus will say.

      I think the next coach at Arkansas will be… Will Muschamp. And irony of irony… next coach at Florida is Lane Kiffen. Get ready Vol fans!


      • uglyjoe says:

        Interesting prognostications, but I would like to have some of what it seems like you are smoking (and I mean that in the friendliest sort of way). Muschamp either sinks or swims this year, but if he sinks, I can’t see him getting another SEC gig anytime soon, maybe much less another D-1 gig. And, while I’m not a huge Florida fan, I would not believe they would be dumb enough to hire Lane Kiffen. It would sure be interesting to watch, kind of like a train wreck is interesting to watch, but I can’t see it happening.

        And here is to hoping Gus has found a home on the Plains.


        • wde1988 wde1988 says:

          Arkansas is bottom of barrel. Mushamp is known defensive entity. Kiffen was/is a perversion of sorts.

          I thought the same thing about USC.


  5. WoodrowAU95 says:

    We, as Auburn fans, should take the high road here. This man deserves our respect, even though we may not like him. Obviously, he is 15 months pregnant in the photo above. We should all understand what female hormones can due to emotions—and to the body. Congrats to Bert on the little piggy!

  6. Pine Mt Tiger Pine Mt Tiger says:

    This guy is such an embarrassment for Arkansas. I have to believe if he doesn’t win big this year that he’s gone.

  7. ATL_AU_FAN ATL_AU_FAN says:

    Not sure how else to state this but, thank the Lord, I wasn’t born an Arkansas fan. I blame no coach for wanting to “fire up” his team and fan base but I can’t believe the Razorback “nation” can be proud of his behavior. When coaching the Badgers I actually remember thinking Bert was a good coach but otherwise had no opinion. That has, to some extent, changed since now I’m unsure of his coaching and certainly unsure of his personality. All I want, though, is a “W” when the clock strikes zero on the 30th! WDE!!