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I Bet the New Nick Saban Wears Pink Panties

By on February 17th, 2014 in Football 17 Comments »

pink pantiesLet’s put aside all this talk about being the best college coach in America. When Nick Saban boarded a plane recently to Indianapolis to whine about the Hurry-Up, No-Huddle Offense to the NCAA Rules Committee, he effectively told his rivals in the SEC that he has no answer for it.

The Old Nick Saban is dead.

The new one wears pink panties and answers to Nicki. The new Saban listens to Spandau Ballet in the car and cries with his wife while watching The Notebook. I bet he sits when he pees.

Forget those national championships. Late in his career, Saban just threw in the towel. He’s announced to the world that he can’t stop Gus Malzahn. Somebody put a sun dress on that statue outside of Bryant Denny Stadium.

Alabama just thought Harvey Updyke was an embarrassment. They are paying Saban $7 million a year and his answer to stopping the HUNH is to fly to Indianapolis and beg for mercy?

Washington St. coach Mike Leach thought it was some kind of joke when he heard the news that Saban was spearheading legislation to slowdown the offense in the name of safety.

“My suggestion is rather than spending a bunch of time coming up with a bunch of really stupid rules, spend that time coaching harder,” Leach said. “Worry about your own team and try to make your product better rather than trying to change the game so you don’t have to do anything.”

Under the proposed rule change, offenses would be prevented from snapping the ball until the 40-second clock hits 29 seconds (excluding the last two minutes of a half).

“The 10-second rule is like asking basketball to take away the shot clock – Boring!” Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy tweeted Thursday. “It’s like asking a blitzing linebacker to raise his hand.”

Not surprisingly, Saban has been unavailable for comment since his meeting with the committee. Then again, with it being Valentine’s Day on Friday, he’s probably been too busy counting the roses that Ms. Terry sent him on his special day.

Fortunately, most experts doubt the legislation will pass this year. This is not just an Auburn-Alabama issue. Texas A&M and Ole Miss run similar attacks, not to mention most of the Pac-12 and Big 12 conference schools.

Saban being a sissy won’t be enough to move the needle – not yet anyway. But you can bet he won’t stop trying. It’s the sign of an aging coach. Rather than adapt, you just try to change the rules to your favor.

He reminds me of the kid on the playground that cries because the basketball goal is too high to reach. The tough ones adapt, the weak ones go inside and cry to mama.

Somebody find Nicki a shoulder to cry on and get him one of those umbrella drinks while you’re at it.

What a joke.


  1. restless6 says:

    $7 million fail.

    I love it.

  2. uglyjoe says:

    I would be interested to hear Coach Dye’s feelings on this…..has he commented anywhere?

  3. Tigerstripe Tigerstripe says:

    I don’t think Bear would approve of Nikki’s actions…

  4. MyAuburn MyAuburn says:

    I have never heard so much whining and rationalizing from a football program, especially the bastion of football that is Bammer.
    I wonder if the trailer park denizens are on board with the girly, girl whining. To paraphrase TOTM, man up boys, this is a big boy game.

  5. wde1988 wde1988 says:

    The mere fact that people are invoking the name of bear bryant… must really piss him off.


  6. Third Generation Tiger Third Generation Tiger says:

    Someone PLEASE photo shop Nicki and Bert in a Victoria’s Secret add. Preferably Angels, or Pink.

    Careful with the thongs, although all underwear at some point wind up as thongs in Bert’s world.

    • Tigerstripe Tigerstripe says:

      …do we really want that image in our head?

      • Third Generation Tiger Third Generation Tiger says:

        I want that image scorched into every updyke’s psyche.

        To me, the Hogs are unobjectionable. Most of them don’t like Bert. The image should however be filed away just in case they start getting all uppity.

  7. Tiger on the mountain Tiger on the mountain says:

    Nut up or shut up, Saban. I have no idea why you would bring reinforcements in for your offense, but leave your defense basically the same. I realize that not having a quarterback is a little scary–but watching the HUNH run rim shod all over your 5* D has got to be soul sucking. But let’s keep the same ole same ole and just try to change the rules. Awesome. What are you going to do for missed field goals? Prevent the run back? Best 2/3??

    And let’s talk about the rule changey thingy for a second. What they are really trying to stop is the ‘threat’ of the ball snapping. 10 seconds is really not enough time for a substituted player to get set. So what’s the point? I think if the O gets that ball snapped right at 29 or 28 seconds every time, a D that substitutes may be in serious trouble. But oh well, Nick seems to want every extra second that he can get–whether it’s good for him or not.

    Of course, if this rule goes through, let this be one more step towards NCAA obsoleteism(tm). If the NCAA really let this kind of crap go through without arguments presented from each side–much less any facts supporting the notion that this is about player safety. (because, apparently, player safety doesn’t matter in the last 2 minutes of each half.)

    The bammers are treating our responses as if we are melting down about it. Fact is, according to the Bama D, they knew which plays were coming and still couldn’t stop us. Like a stupid rule is going to stop us. All I know is that with that plane ride, Saban lost any place in legendary coach status. He’s a poor loser. Nothing more, nothing less.

    If that opener against Arkansas isn’t circled in red on the calendar–oh it’s ON now! Bert (you whiny little bitch) I hope your ‘real American football’ will be as ready as our HUHN will be. You want to keep your players safe? It’s called C-O-N-D-I-T-I-O-N-I-N-G. I spelled it out for you, because I know that the big words are hard. See you August 30th, coward.

    • AubTigerman AubTigerman says:

      Been on the road, just got in and was going to add my 2 cents. No need after reading this.
      I love it.

  8. War Eagle Girl War Eagle Girl says:

    I really think that saban thought he could get bielma to take the fall. CAN.NOT.WAIT.TO.PLAY.THE.PIGGIES.

    Does anyone really think this will slow down the Gus Bus? The man is a genius and will figure out a way around it IF it passes. Also what does the majority of HS in arky run? What is the tub o’ lard thinking? I am sure the HS coaches in arky are just loving this man….

    Can the season start tomorrow?! I cannot wait!

  9. sullivan013 sullivan013 says:

    Those can’t be Nick’s Nickers. They’re not wadded up,….

  10. BeachTiger BeachTiger says:

    I totally agree w WEGirl. Even if this lame-a#% rule passes, Gus will spin his magic right around this decision.

    I’m trying to remember the percentage of plays per game we got off before 10 seconds rolled off the clock… surely someone out there has the statistics on how quick we snapped the ball. I seem to recall that the majority of plays commenced in the 30-25 second range. Any idea anyone???

    Can’t wait to we play the piggies… here piggy, piggy…

    • ATL_AU_FAN ATL_AU_FAN says:

      After reading the article from Jay and these comments, especially that of TOTM, I have little to add except to, say “Dead on Balls Accurate”!

    • Acid Reign Acid Reign says:

      …..They don’t record the position of the play clock in the stats, I don’t think. They record where the game clock is at the start of possessions, after scores, and when a timeout is called. You’d have to go through game film and note when the ball is snapped every play. ESPN usually shows the play clock, but not always. CBS rarely does, till it ticks down under 10 seconds. It would be an epic job to track all that down.

      …..That said, I think Auburn only rarely snapped it less than 10 seconds in. Maybe at the end of each half of the Iron Bowl, when we were hammering Tre Mason up the gut repeatedly while Bama was expecting pass with the clock winding down.

  11. sparkey sparkey says:

    This is so piss poor and weak on Saban’s part. I think I’m done if this passes. You’re talking about Auburn having to play against the rules themselves. That’s just not right. I’m sick this has a chance of passing. The fact that it was discussed with the committee by Saban and Arkansas’s coach is not right whatsoever. Not to mention, they forgot to talk to coaches that run the HUNH. Hell, they forgot to add EVIDENCE to their proposal. They just figured they should do it.