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From the Eagle’s Nest

By on February 1st, 2013 in Featured Article 20 Comments »
Golden Eagle

TGIF Tiger fans. With 2013 moving at a Malzahn-esque pace, February has arrived seemingly ahead of schedule. Let’s take a look at the college football landscape…

Recruiting
It’s hard to believe there are only 5 more days remaining before National Signing Day. Auburn’s class currently ranks in the top 25 of the major recruiting authorities (Scout, Rivals, and ESPN). Hard to argue with those results considering the time-frame Auburn coaches have been working in. There are still concerns however. This class is lacking defensively. There are a handful of targets that could potentially have big impacts IF landed by Malzahn and Co., but they will be challenging to run down. I don’t think Malzahn sends shockwaves through the SEC with his first class, but he’ll have a rabbit or two to pull out of his hat.

Dr. Phil challenges Te’o hoaxer (Ronaiah Tuiasosopo) to recreate female voice, and in the process breaks a Guinness world record for most awesome challenge ever.
Who hasn’t had this kind of terrible day? One minute you’re sitting down with Dr. Phil having a nice chat about the famous college football player you’re in love with (and tormenting), and the next, you’re being lured into a talking-like-a-girl labyrinth.

Think of Dr. Phil as that guy on your local minor league hockey team that gets about 2 minutes a game and is always yanked because he won’t stop firing slap-shots immediately upon crossing the center line. He’s going for it baby! Want to explain your inner turmoil that led you to becoming a cyber-stalker and orchestrating an elaborate hoax? Well save that crap for Couric. I want to hear the girl voice you had to do EVERYDAY while talking to Manti. What’s even better is that the FBI analyzed audio recordings from the Dr. Phil interview and determined that the female voice heard by Te’o was unlikely created by Tuiasosopo – which narrows the list of remaining suspects down to ‘Charlie’ from Charlie’s Angels and the bad guy from Inspector Gadget.

Get Joe Schad on the phone, football players are eating deer antlers!
In the past week reports have surfaced that indicate Alabama football players purchased and ingested banned supplements prior to their two most recent national championship game appearances. The supplements were purchased from a gentleman named Christopher Key who is co-owner of SWATS; a company that markets and sells his controversial products.

Don’t worry, Alabama isn’t the only school who has players implicated. Jeff Holland (father of Jake Holland) is reported to have purchased healing “microchips” from Key as well. I love that someone was sitting at their desk with all of this information and they had to make sure to include that Auburn players had healing “microchips” and other teams from the SEC (UGA, Ole Miss) had players that had purchased bands/bracelets to wear. It’s very important that no one is deprived of the knowledge of how many mongrels competed in the SEC this year wearing what were essentially Power Balance/Phiten jewelry.

The deer-antler spray is possibly serious business, but the additions of Auburn players getting special chips and other schools getting bands and bracelets is so silly that it makes it all look unfounded and blown out of proportion. It gives the impression that there is some sort of desperation to have more and more schools included in the scandal and even in this day and age that is such weak-sauce. One would have to look no further than Auburn’s previous two seasons to see how legitimate these products actually are.

James Franklin is sorry!
Recently, Vanderbilt Head Coach James Franklin referred to Nick Saban as “Nicky Satan.”  And now he’s apologizing. I don’t think that Franklin should have referred to Saban as Satan, but it’s hard for me to not like the competitiveness that lead to the remark. Saban is called out and challenged far too little. His determination, dedication, knowledge of the game, and work ethic are praised at every turn while his over-signing, rule-bending tactics are conveniently glanced over. I’m not calling for a verbal onslaught, but we’re also not peasants under Saban’s rule. 

Katherine and A.J. sittin’ in a tree!
Katherine Webb recently told Ryan Seacrest that she could see herself exchanging vows with her current boyfriend, Alabama quarterback, A.J. McCarron. This is only important because it means that right now Brent Musburger is carefully planning how he’ll rush into the ceremony at the last minute, sweep Katherine off of her feet, and escape via jet pack to his private old man island in the Pacific. 

 WAR EAGLE!!! Everyone have a great weekend! 

20 Comments

  1. AubTigerman AubTigerman says:

    Good read this morning,

    Enjoyed the humor in the editorial – really good stuff. And your right the little Napoleon of West Vance gets far too many passes. In fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen where he’s been, “called out and challenged” by his adoring worshipers at ESPN.
    TGIF!

  2. Third Generation Tiger Third Generation Tiger says:

    Franklin revealed a complete absence of spine and sack when he apologized.

    • Acid Reign Acid Reign says:

      …..Oh, absolutely! Leave it hanging out there, and if Nicky complains, zing him again. That’s how Steve Spurrier would do it!

      • Third Generation Tiger Third Generation Tiger says:

        Personally, I think Spurrier is overated or over the hill as far as coaching goes but he still has Jedi-like smart ass skills.

    • Tiger on the mountain Tiger on the mountain says:

      I was hoping that he wouldn’t apologize! I mean it’s a coach from Vandy shooting darts at Bama–that’s football love people!

      • Third Generation Tiger Third Generation Tiger says:

        Franklin was immediately ordered to FedEx his Man Card back to HQ.

    • Tigerstripe Tigerstripe says:

      Yeah but this is Vandy we’re talking about… I’m sure Franklin’s boss was driving the apology. Being Vandy, I’m sure they included a five year membership to Oprah Winfrey’s book club along with one of those floral fruit baskets thingys to accompany the apology.

      • Third Generation Tiger Third Generation Tiger says:

        Franklin and his boss fouled up their best ever opportunity to flex nards with the real SEC.

  3. Acid Reign Acid Reign says:

    ……And this is a TIMELY post! I am STOKED for this weekend! I haven’t had a full weekend off since Christmas. I’ll sleep this morning, then it’s fresh green beans, ribeyes and bell pepper/onion roasted Tator Tots tonight. And I plan to do a LOT of sleeping!

    • Tiger on the mountain Tiger on the mountain says:

      I’ll be over for dinner around 6 ;)

    • Tigerstripe Tigerstripe says:

      Bell pepper onion roasted tator tots??? Ok, it’s time for the group to start a post sharing our favorite recipes… the tator tots sound intriguing.

      • Acid Reign Acid Reign says:

        …..This one’s easy. Tator Tots come out of the bag salted and seasoned. I just line a baking pan with foil, then make a bed of chopped yellow onion and bell pepper bits on it. One big yellow onion and one bell pepper is normal, but lately I’ve cut back to half an onion, and half a pepper. I do half of the pan without the veggie bed, because the kids can’t eat the copious onion and pepper stuff I can! Empty the bag of Tots on top of the onions and pepper, and spread ‘em out.

        …..Your “on the bag” Ore-Ida instructions say to heat Tator Tots at 450 degrees F for no more than 20 minutes. Bunk, says this Deep South guy who was weaned on crunchy fries and hash browns! Preheat to 450, then shovel that pan in the oven for 45 minutes. And leave the oven door closed.

        …..When they come out 45 minutes later, you’ve got crispy Nirvana, not to mention that your house now smells like an Italian deli. Mmmm….

  4. Tiger on the mountain Tiger on the mountain says:

    Dear Katherine,
    I don’t know you guys very well (okay I don’t know you guys at all), but you guys haven’t been dating for very long. Things that seem like a great idea in your early twenties, start to look like really dumb ideas by your late twenties/early thirties (or sooner, depending on the stupidity level). So keep an open mind. Just because you guys will make beautiful babiez and likely be financially stable does not a successful marriage make. Figure out what you want out of a partner before you think about marriage. Just sayin’.

    XOXOXO,
    ToTM

    • Acid Reign Acid Reign says:

      …..I’m guessing that this got posted on the wrong forum, but good advice nonetheless. I waited till age 32 before getting married, and that was barely old enough. Biology tends to demand things way ahead of requisite wisdom!

  5. Col.Angus Col.Angus says:

    Well the folks over at the Auburn Spy Shop think we are in good shape going into signing day, picking up 3 or more of the 5 stars coming to visit this weekend. I do think it is a great advantage to having them in the last weekend prior to signing day. Kids are so fickle, its always good to get to them last.

    Man, is there anybody that would trade places with Manti Te’o right now??…..other than Ru Paul? I don’t think there is a big enough rock I could crawl under to get away from all this. Whether he is gay or not, I think I would rather admit to being at least Bi-curious at this point, to avoid looking like the complete moron that he does right now. Can you imagine what it will be like for him joining an NFL team next year? His hazing will be absolutely brutal. I know some GM will take a flyer on him, but you know he is going to be useless next year because of this. I want to see some of his teammates interviewed and hear what they have to say….now THAT would be interesting.

    I was surprised to see that Alabama’s players have been implicated in using PED’s, but it does explain the horns most of them seem to be sprouting. Of course they looked more Bullish in shape and size than deer antlers.
    I mean really? Who is surprised by this? Those guys look like Orc extras from the Lord of the Rings, they are so massive. When are people going to realize you can’t shut this stuff down? So they outlaw deer horn spray, they’ll just move onto Killer Whale pituitary sqweezins or something else like that. I mean, who thought we would get to Deer Antler spray? As long as there are millions of dollars at stake for the players and the universitys/and or teams…..people are going to cheat and do whatever it takes to win. I say may manbeast with the best hooves win!!

    And thank god we didn’t hire James Franklin, although I guess he did have the guts to at least take a shot at Little Nicky.

    • WarEagleBattleCry says:

      “Killer Whale pituitary sqweezins”…funniest thing I’ve read or heard ALL day! I AM laughing out loud! Thanks, Colonel!

    • mikeautiger says:

      Even my wife noticed how much bigger GA & Bama looked the last 2 years compared to everyone she has seen the last few years. She said they must be pushing the roids or something, she is a nurse and sees this kinda thing a lot.

      Little coach Nicky satan is always up to his old tricks, skirting the rules, gray shirting to get around the 25 limit, antler spray and other growth agents, and just like satan he is out to kill maim and destroy his opponents, and lying to recruits. Franklin should have stood behind his comments, now he looks weak. You for to stand toe to toe and look down to little nicky satan and say I’m coming after you to whip you butt before you can do it.

      I think Malzhen has the attitude, he is going after him on the recruiting trail, and will be looking to go after him on the field too. Remember he was the guy that was saying go for it on 4th down in 2010! He has a history of being a winner and he is going to take it to little nicky satan & I think little nicky satan is shaking in his boots cause he knows Malzhen is coming to spank his defenses butt.

      I can hardly wait til next year when Gus cranks up his offense for real and shows he also knows a little something about all the phases of the game, there is more to Gus than meets the eye. The Iron bowl will be rocking as little nicky satan gets run over by the Gus Bus and his basic offense is shut down by the next Clowney making satan look like a clown.

      Throwing the gauntlet down….War Eagle!

    • Derrick Roberts Derrick Roberts says:

      Great stuff Colonel! It’s hilarious to me how Saban has people on egg shells. It’s ridiculous.

  6. mikeautiger says:

    Even my wife noticed how much bigger GA & Bama looked the last 2 years compared to everyone she has seen the last few years. She said they must be pushing the roids or something, she is a nurse and sees this kinda thing a lot.

    Little coach Nicky satan is always up to his old tricks, skirting the rules, gray shirting to get around the 25 limit, antler spray and other growth agents, and just like satan he is out to kill maim and destroy his opponents, and lying to recruits. Franklin should have stood behind his comments, now he looks weak. You for to stand toe to toe and look down to little nicky satan and say I’m coming after you to whip you butt before you can do it.

    I think Malzhen has the attitude, he is going after him on the recruiting trail, and will be looking to go after him on the field too. Remember he was the guy that was saying go for it on 4th down in 2010! He has a history of being a winner and he is going to take it to little nicky satan & I think little nicky satan is shaking in his boots cause he knows Malzhen is coming to spank his defenses butt.

    I can hardly wait til next year when Gus cranks up his offense for real and shows he also knows a little something about all the phases of the game, there is more to Gus than meets the eye. The Iron bowl will be rocking as little nicky satan gets run over by the Gus Bus and his basic offense is shut down by the next Clowney making satan look like a clown.

    Throwing the gauntlet down….War Eagle!