NFL Pro Day on The Plains (updated with video)

By Posted on: March 4th, 2014 in Football 1 Comment »
6487944 - Zach Clayton

Tennessee Titan’s DT Zack Clayton sacks Seattle’s Matt Flynn. Clayton got his chance with the Titans after Auburn’s 2010 Pro Day.

Today is NFL Pro day on The Plains and with Auburn coming off an SEC Championship year, there should be a lot of NFL scouts checking out several Tigers. In fact reports are that all 32 teams will be represented. It will especially be a big day for those who could not make it to the NFL Combine.

Jay Prosch is ready to show NFL scouts what he can do.

Jay Prosch is ready to show NFL scouts what he can do.

None bigger perhaps than for Fullback Jay Prosch, who despite being ranked the No. 3 fullback in the draft was not invited to the combine. Then there is Dee Ford and Chris Davis, both of  whom did not get to perform in Indianapolis.

Chris injured his ham string just days before the combine while preparing for the event. And as most know, Ford was held out by the NFL medical staff over concerns about a previous back injury. Coach Malzahn has assured NFL Teams that Dee had no problems with the old injury during the Tigers’ Championship season.

Look for all three to wow the scouts with their skill sets. However, just like Darren Bates in 2013, there will be several others from this class to earn chances with an NFL Club.

Sixteen Tigers will be performing for the scouts; players like Defensive end Nosa Eguae, defensive tackle Kenneth Carter, linebacker Jake Holland, punter Steven Clark, kicker Cody Parkey and defensive backs Ryan White and Ryan Smith.

It should be a fun day for those who participate. The Eyes of Auburn as well as the NFL Scouts will be on all our Tigers at the Auburn Pro Day. Good luck Tigers

Watch video of AU Pro Day including hearing comments from (in order) Dee Ford (starting at the 10:09 mark), Jay Prosch, Coach Malzahn, Tre Mason, Cody Parkey, and Greg Robinson, as they talk about Auburn’s Pro Day. 


Friday from the Eagle’s Nest

By Posted on: February 28th, 2014 in Featured Article, Football 15 Comments »

Oh, there’s Something Slowing Down Alright 
The NCAA announced this past week that the proposed ‘slow-down’ rule would soon be re-evaluated in the wake of overwhelming lack of support from head coaches. The new rule’s entire objective was to improve player safety, but thus far there have been no studies to show that it is necessary. The more that surfaces regarding the support for this proposal (or lack thereof) it is seemingly more likely that Nick Saban and a handful of other head coaches were able to essentially impose their will and blow this issue far out of proportion. There is college football’s true problem; hiding behind ulterior motives mind you.

Dabo Swinney recently spoke out regarding the true intent behind the major push from some coaches to have this rule implemented and I agree with his thoughts. Basically, this is a joke of a proposal when looking at the facts.

Kliff Kingsbury also feels the same or similar as Swinney and many other coaches. When asked if he thought Saban might have any self-interest in the rule being passed he had this to say:Kingsbury Quote

But it’s not just Nick Saban drawing the ire of fellow coaches and the media – Arkansas’ Bret Bielema has been a supporter of the ‘slow-down’ rule every step of the way as well and has made about as many wrong moves as possible in his attempts to push it forward. Bielema apologized last week after citing the death of University of Cal football player, Ted Agu, as evidence in favor of the proposal. Cal’s AD, Sandy Barbour, also weighed in on Bielema’s senseless remarks in regards to Agu as well. 

I’ve got to give him credit, Bielema managed to actually make it a week without putting himself back into the headlines. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that he’s pursuing a membership in the Flat Earth Society, so no news is great news for him. And since Bret seems so determined to take over Dan Mullen’s spot atop my list of most reviled coaches, go on over and check out this piece from Stewart Mandel that gives a full rundown of how hard Bielema has had it in Fayetteville since arriving.  

Tigers Turning Heads at NFL Combine
Jadaveon Clowney did everything at the NFL combine this past week except turn green and destroy a Japanese city. The former Gamecock posted a 40-yard dash time of 4.53 seconds – which isn’t faster than a grizzly bear- but I’d be willing to bet that it would make them pretty nervous that Clowney would be able to chase them that fast.

Speaking of grizzly bears and other giant, frightening, quickly moving things – Auburn’s own Greg Robinson put on a show of his own at the combine. Robinson’s 40-yard dash time clocked in at 4.92 seconds. Anything else that moves that fast and is bigger than he is, is having its oil changed every 3,000 miles. There are even some predicting that Robinson could go number 1 overall in the upcoming NFL draft.

Tre Mason has also received high praise this week, as USA Today named him the top running-back of the draft class for 2014. It is a much deserved honor for a player that will be missed this Fall on The Plains. 

Paula Deen Butter HushGirl, You Butter Stop!
As if Michael Sam didn’t have a big enough burden to shoulder this past week – with ESPN constantly reminding everyone that Michael Sam is the first openly gay football player to participate in the combine or join an NFL team or wear low-top cleats – Paula Deen recently compared her struggle to salvage her public image to that of Sam’s after openly declaring he was gay earlier this year. Honestly, she could have paralleled her recent public turmoil to that of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man’s rise and fall in Ghostbusters and not come across half as stupid as this does. It’s like she wants to mess it up on purpose. This is America. The fattest country on Earth. Paula Deen is, if nothing else, a master chef when it comes to deep-frying food and cooking things that aren’t in the same galaxy as healthy and she still finds a way to fall out of favor with the public. Paula! Stop saying things!

Barry Switzer Keeping it Real
Switzer first made headlines this week, when he referred to Johnny Manziel as an “arrogant little prick,” but little did we know that he was just getting started. He went on to add that Manziel was the “best he’d ever seen” regarding college quarterbacks, but he wasn’t done talking about that position.

In a radio interview yesterday, after being asked about how he would evaluate his quarterback position, he had this to say:
Switzer QB Quote

Wow. Barry and Paula must share a publicist.


NCAA Fiction

By Posted on: February 25th, 2014 in Football 4 Comments »

Early morning, apartment interior. Coach Craig and Coach Grimes enter. Coach Craig - Hey kids - The two men stroll inside.

Nick Saban, a young blond-haired surfer kid with a “Flock of Seagulls” haircut, who has yet to say a word, lies on a couch with a hamburger in his hand. Bret Beilema, a white, preppy-looking sort with a buzzcut.

Coach Grimes and Coach Craig take in the place, with their hands in their pockets. Coach Craig is the one who does the talking.

Coach Craig - How you boys doin’? - No answer - Am I trippin’, or did I just ask you a question?

Bret - We’re doin’ okay. As Coach Craig and Bret talk, Coach Grimes moves behind the young Guys.

Coach Craig - Do you know who we are?

Bret shakes his head – No

Coach Craig - We’re associates of your fellow SEC coach Gus Malzahn. You remember your fellow coach dont’ya? - No answer - (to Bret) - Now I’m gonna take a wild guess here: you’re Bret, right?

Bret - I’m Bret.

Coach Craig - I thought so. Well, you remember your fellow SEC coach Gus Malzahn dont’ya Bret?

Bret - I remember him.

Coach Craig - Good for you. Looks like me and Coach Grimes caught you at breakfast. Sorry ’bout that. What’cha eatin’?

Bret - Hamburgers.

Coach Craig - Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. What kinda hamburgers?

Bret - Cheeseburgers.

Coach Craig - No, I mean where did you get’em? MacDonald’s, Wendy’s, Jack-in-the-Box, where?

Bret - Big Kahuna Burger.

Coach Craig - Big Kahuna Burger. That’s that Hawaiian joint. I heard they got some tasty burgers. I ain’t never had one myself, how are they?

Bret - They’re good.

Coach Craig - Mind if I try one of yours?

Bret- No Coach Craig grabs the burger and take a bite of it.

Coach Craig - Uuummmm, that’s a tasty burger - (to Coach Grimes) - J.B, you ever try a Big Kahuna Burger? Coach Grimes shakes his head.  You wanna bite, they’re real good. Well, if you like hamburgers give ’em a try sometime. Me, I can’t usually eat ‘em ’cause my girlfriend’s a vegetarian. Which more or less makes me a vegetarian, but I sure love the taste of a good burger. (to Bret) You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?

Bret - No.

Coach Craig - Royale with Cheese, you know why they call it that?

BRET - Because of the metric system?

Coach Craig - Check out the big brain on Bret! You’a smart mother, that’s right. The metric system. (he points to a fast food drink cup) What’s in this?

Bret - Sprite.

Coach Craig -Sprite, good, mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down? Coach Craig grabs the cup and takes a sip.

Coach Craig - Uuuuummmm, hit’s the spot! - (to Coach Saban) - You, Flock of Seagulls, you know what we’re here for?

Coach Saban nods his head: Yes

Coach Craig - Then why don’t you tell my boy here J.B., where you got the rule change draft.

Bret - It’s in the cupb –

Coach Craig – I don’t remember askin’ you a damn thing (to Coach Saban) You were sayin’?

Coach Saban - It’s in the cupboard.

Coach Grimes looks in the cupboard, reaches inside and pulls out a black snap briefcase. Coach Grimes flips the two locks, opening the case. We can’t see what’s inside, but a small glow emits from the case. Coach Grimes just stares at it, transfixed.

Coach Craig We happy? No answer from the transfixed Coach Grimes. Coach Grimes! Coach Grimes looks up at Coach Craig. We happy?

Coach Grimes closes the case. Oh yeah, we’re happy.

Bret (to Coach Craig) Look, what’s your name? I got his  name’s J.B., but what’s yours?

Coach Craig - My name’s Daymeune, and you ain’t talkin’ your butt outta this one.

Bret - I just want you to know how sorry we are about how messed up things got between us and Coach Malzahn. When we entered into this thing, we only had the best intentions…

As Bret talks, Coach Craig takes out his gun and SHOOTS Coach Saban three times in the chest. Grimes smiles to himself. Coach Craig has got style. Bret is in shock. He’s not crying or whimpering, but he’s so full of fear, it’s as if his body is imploding.

Coach Craig (to Bret) Oh, I’m sorry. Did that break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do
that. Please, continue. I believe you were saying something about “best intentions.”

Bret is speechless, staring at the body of Nick Saban

Coach Craig Oh, you were finished? Well, allow me to retort. Would you describe for me what Coach Malzahn looks like?

Bret still can’t speak. Coach Craig SNAPS, SAVAGELY TIPPING the card table over, removing the only barrier between himself and Bret. Bret now sits in a lone chair before Coach Craig like a political prisoner in front of an interrogator. What country you from!

Bret (petrified) W-What?

Coach Craig -“What” ain’t no country I know! Do they speak English in “What?”

Bret (near heart attack) What?

Coach Craig English-dummy! Do-you-speak- it!?

Bret - Yes!

Coach Craig - Now describe what Coach Malzahn looks like!

Bret (out of fear) What?

Coach Craig takes his .45 and PRESSES the barrel to Bret’s forehead.

Coach Craig - Say “What” again! C’mon, say “What” again! I dare ya, I double dare ya dummy, say “What” one more damn time! Bret is regressing on the spot. Now describe to me what Gus Malzahn looks like!

Bret does his best. Bret Well he’s… he’s… white

Coach Craig – Go on!

Bret …and he’s… he’s… got glasses

Coach Craig – Does he substitute illegally?!

Bret (without thinking) What?

Coach Craig’ eyes go to Coach Grimes, Coach Grimes smirks, Coach Craig rolls his eyes and SHOOTS Bret in the shoulder. Bret SCREAMS, breaking into a SHAKING/TREMBLING SPASM in the chair. Does-he-substitute-illegally?!

Bret (in agony) No!

Coach Craig - Then why did you try to slow him down?!

Bret (in spasm) I didn’t!

Coach Craig - Yes you did Bret! Ya tried ta slow him down. And Gus don’t like slowing down for anyone but Mrs. Malzahn! You ever read the NCAA rules, Bret?

Bret (in spasm) Yes.

Coach Craig There’s a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Rule 3, Section 5, Article 2, subsection E - ”While in the process of substitution or simulated substitution, Team A is prohibited from rushing quickly to the line of scrimmage with the obvious attempt of creating a defensive disadvantage. If the ball is ready for play, the game officials will not permit the ball to be snapped until Team B has placed substitutes in position and replaced players have left the field of play. Team B must react promptly with its substitutes.”

The two men empty their guns at the same time on the sitting Bret.

Saban Continues to Circle the Drain

By Posted on: February 24th, 2014 in Football 12 Comments »
Nick Saban, Bret Bielema

Last week was not the best for Nick Saban. After being openly bashed by multiple, big-name coaches over his attempted end-around to slow down the HUNH, his reputation has taken a hit not seen since he lied to the Miami Dolphins about his future some seven years ago.

Not only has his credibility been called into question, it appears now that his moronic proposal is all but dead. He can partly thank his partner in crime, Arkansas coach Bret Bielema.

Bielema’s the sleaziest coach in the SEC and that’s saying a lot considering Dan Mullen is still around. He was called on the carpet this week by California athletic director Sandy Barbour following the death of Bear football player Ted Agu on February 7th.

Shockingly, Bielema tried to bring Agu’s recent death into the discussion about the Hurry-Up, No Huddle offense. The remarks sent Barbour into orbit, tweeting this week:

“Bret Bielema’s comments about our Ted Agu are misinformed, ill-advised and beyond insensitive.”

Barbour went on to write: “Using the tragic loss of one of our student athletes as a platform to further a personal agenda in a public setting is beyond inappropriate.”

This is who Nick Saban has aligned himself with now.

Writing about Saban two weeks in a row is something I try to stay away from, but it’s just too good to pass up. It’s like he’s completely lost his mind. And now he’s drawn criticism from his own fans by being named in a lawsuit over a proposed Mercedes dealership in Birmingham.

It appears he wants to put his name on every new Mercedes sold in Jefferson County. Doesn’t he know that Alabama fans don’t drive Mercedes? Does he really believe an Auburn person will drive one with his name on it? Who’s going to buy?

I’m telling you, this guy is slowly losing his mind. Who knew that one second would have such an effect on a man’s psyche? This reminds me of the good ole days with Mike Shula…

Call it boredom, but I found myself watching coverage of the NFL Combine over the weekend. I knew Greg Robinson was special, but he has a legitimate shot to be a superstar in the NFL. ESPN’s Mel Kiper now has him listed as the top lineman in this year’s class.

A big surprise is who Kiper has as the top punter: Steven Clark. Following his performance in the postseason all-star games, he’s jumped three spots on Kiper’s board and now sits at the top.

I’m shocked that Jay Prosch was not invited to the Combine. If there was ever a fullback that had NFL written all over him, it’s Prosch. Despite not being invited, Kiper has him listed as the third best fullback in the class.

Friday from the Eagle’s Nest

By Posted on: February 21st, 2014 in Featured Article, Football 18 Comments »
Gus Malzahn

Oh NO YOU DI’INT Bielema!!!

-Texas Tech football players treated fans attending a school basketball game with a halftime dunk contest. Clancy David, a walk-on wide receiver and self-proclaimed backwards name advocate, took home first place in the event. Apparently this was much more popular with the players than former head coach Tommy Tuberville’s annual Funk Contest.

-Colorado St. running back, Kapri Bibbs, says he would be a first round draft pick if he had played in the SEC. Although his stats were nothing to scoff at, that’s a mighty big ‘if’ and a totally unnecessary point to make. Plus, going later in the draft can be of benefit. Everybody wants to elevate their draft status to either just above or just below the ‘Cleveland Browns Line’ – because let’s be honest, Cleveland is a dumpster fire and those uniforms are genuinely hideous.
-No that wasn’t an earthquake you felt earlier this week. It was Jameis Winston (FSU QB) earning his first save of the college baseball season. I can’t wait to read all of the premature comparisons to Deion Sanders and Bo Jackson.

-Steve Spurrier is not shy about addressing the Saban Rule or being unimpressed by Jadaveon Clowney’s work ethic. As usual, the Ole Ball Coach is never at a loss for words. He could make a funny comment about my mother and I know I would laugh first before getting mad – if at all.  Sorry Mom.

Nick Saban Mercedes Benz-Nick Saban has been a busy man this offseason. Add to his growing list of responsibilities the role of co-owner of a Mercedes-Benz dealership

“Every car dealer I know wants to be a coach,” Nick Saban said, ”I always wanted to be a car dealer.”

Nick Saban a car salesman? The man may have missed his calling.

- Bielema expects slow down proposal to pass. If nothing else, I give Bielema points for dedication to his shtick. He is against HUNH offenses in every way imaginable, and he isn’t afraid to disregard common sense to express that belief. Even going so far as to cite the recent passing of Cal football player Ted Agu during a conditioning drill as evidence in support of his stance. He then added that he also has players that suffer from the same ailment that likely contributed to Agu’s death:

“If one of those players is on the field for me, and I have no timeouts, I have no way to stop the game,” Bielema said, according to the Associated Press. “And he raises his hand to stop the game, and I can’t do it. What am I supposed to do?”

Bret Bielema slow down
I have the perfect answer for you Bret: you don’t put those players in harm’s way by allowing them to participate if they could possibly die from the amount of plays an offense runs against them. For the record, I think it is absolutely sickening that Bielema would hold the possible health complications of his own players and the death of another college football player over everyone’s head and expect the NCAA to simply bow down to his wishes.

Are these players at risk of dying/facing serious medical complications exclusively from facing teams with HUNH offenses? They are completely fine otherwise, but once things go ‘up-tempo’ their lives are at risk? That is the logic he is using and it is absolutely pathetic that an adult would stoop so low. For the first time since arriving in Fayetteville, Bielema needs to focus on improving Arkansas’s football program and stop trying to blame every limiting factor he faces on wild and sinister entities.

The only thing in college football that needs to slow down right now is Bret Bielema’s mouth. 

Thursday Ramblings.

By Posted on: February 20th, 2014 in Baseball, Basketball, Football 12 Comments »
Bleak Midwinter

We’re in the bleak midwinter.
(Photo by Acid Reign.)

     War Eagle, everybody. A long offseason continues, but there is a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel. Snow and ice have given way to thunderstorms and short sleeves here in the Deep South. Auburn football players have begun the dreaded mat drills in their off-season workout regime. This means Spring Drills and A-Day are just around the corner!

     For me, this is a week for idle thinking, and I’ll share a few thoughts on Auburn-related items. First off, I guess I’ve got to weigh in on the “ten second hold-up” rule being proposed this spring by the NCAA Rules Committee. As we now know, this whole rule change is one being pushed by two dissatisfied, frightened SEC West coaches, and was not on the NCAA’s agenda. It turns out that Nick Saban invited himself to the the rules committee meeting, and was not a planned attendee. Bret Bielema claims to be representing the interests of American Football Coaches Association, but not a single other coach will admit to supporting Bielema. Hmmm…

     I don’t get it. The refs we have now can’t even tell if the game clock has run out, or needs one second put back on, without instant replay. They are now supposed to signal the ball, “ready for play,” but not really, for ten seconds? They are already holding up the ball when the offense substitutes, to allow the defense to follow suit. How much more time does the defense need? Offenses usually run a few shifts and motions before the snap, and probably a meer-cat to the sideline, anyway. I think it’s pretty rare for a team to snap it before ten seconds are up. Saban and Bielema have made themselves the poster children for “whiney,” and there’s no real benefit to them even if the absurd rule were to pass! I chuckled at the news this week that Saban was considering being involved in a Mercedes dealership in Birmingham. What, coaches? Lobbying for “American football,” and selling German cars? That’s rich! How many times did we watch those Saban “Ford Tough” commercials last fall? Let the buyer beware.

     Speaking of football, Auburn will start spring drills on March 18th. Checking the calendar, that’s a mere 26 days away! Can we wait that long? A-Day will be played at 2:00 PM Central Time on April 19th. Auburn’s A-Day this year will be televised on ESPN. Here’s hoping the Tigers can entertain another massive crowd like last year, with the nation watching!

     Even though Auburn’s once again mired with a losing SEC basketball record at 4-9, I do have to give embattled head coach Tony Barbee some credit. His guys have usually played hard, if not well. I finally got a chance to watch a complete game last Saturday against Mississippi State, and I’ve seen the highlights of last night’s close loss to number two Florida. The biggest negative about Barbee’s style is that his players seem to be continually daring the refs to call fouls. The MSU game was an absolute free-throw fest last Saturday. As the home team, Auburn got a few more calls, and pulled out a ten point victory.

     Against Florida, Barbee was whining about Auburn allowing 12 offensive rebounds. Coach, when you lob up as many long range shots as Auburn does, offensive rebounds will happen. That ball can kick out to anywhere when you miss a three point shot. What was painful about the loss to Florida was that Auburn had the game tied at 66 with 20 seconds left, and could have forced Florida to try to make a shot to win. It wasn’t a great night for Florida shooters, who only hit 40 percent from the floor. Instead, Auburn immediately was called for a blatant grab right in front of the ref, and sent the Gators to the free throw line. Following the successful Florida free throws, Auburn could not inbound the ball because all four guys on the floor took off, and there was no one to throw the ball inbounds to. Coaching, folks. Coaching. Twenty four games into the season, and Auburn can’t even inbound the ball with the game on the line.

     I think it’s going to be another long baseball season at Auburn, also. Auburn began their home season yesterday by being shelled by FCS opponent Alabama State, 9-3. ASU is actually a pretty good FCS team, and they played error-free ball. Not so for the Tigers. The game got away on two errors in the 8th, while the Hornets were hitting balls to the wall. What’s ominous is that these pitchers are going to be expected to get SEC batters out. Worse is that the Tiger team batting average stands at a meager .217 for the season. It’s going to be a battle to stay out of last place. About the only thing going for the Tigers is that this is head coach Sunny Galloway’s first year. But coach, talking trash about playing in Omaha while giving up 9 runs to Alabama State just makes you look bad. Man, the game has changed. I remember college baseball for the “clonk” of aluminum bats, and run totals in the teens for both teams, not .217 batting averages!

     On a lighter note, I had a chuckle yesterday evening when I read this piece from our old friend Jerry Hinnen, formerly of the Joe Cribbs Carwash and the War Eagle Reader. Apparently Oklahoma’s compliance department turned in a some secondary violations for three players for being provided “pasta in excess of the permissible amount allowed.” The players each were required to cough up $3.83 to be reinstated. There’s a “pasta allowance” in the NCAA rules? Who knew?

More Rule Changes We’d Like to See

By Posted on: February 18th, 2014 in Featured Article, Football 9 Comments »

With Nick Saban and Brett Bielma drawing all the attention and flack for their endorsement against HUNH offenses, we believe at TET that not enough interest is being shown for legislating against some of the real problems of the game.  While other college football outlets might be reluctant to tackle these issues, we have no such compunction here. The following is a list of such high football crimes and the punishment we expect to be metered out, as suggested by notable college football blogger Draco.

Not Filling In Your Student Section. While every generation believes the next is going to hell, this would surely be my leading argument in any civil proceeding attempting to provide proof thereof. Apparently, Nick Saban was on to something with these little snot-nosed, entitled punks, not just leaving early but showing up at all. Why even matriculate at a football factory at all if you’re not lining up in the snow and rain for hours before a game?  Cut the size of the box or give away the tickets if you must. Penalty: NCAA level infraction, loss of one schollie per year for every % point below 90 for conference games. (not even students can be expected to attend the cupcakes en masse).

Coaches Covering Their Lips While Mouthing Plays On the Sidelines. Since when was stealing an opposing team’s signals supposed to get so complicated? HD television opened this bit of clandestine observation open to even the casual viewer at home and no longer for just assistant coaches with binoculars in the press box and stands.  Also, what else is one to do with a degree in sign language and lip-reading? If they’re going to snap the ball in eight seconds without allowing the substitution of defenders, it’s only fair that it is known what play they’re calling beforehand. Penalty: Dead-ball foul and loss of down.

More Than One Player With the Same Jersey Number. No longer is it allowable to just not allow them on the field at the same time. Can we please try and weed down the roster a bit? 100 slots should be plenty, even if you’re Nick Saban. Basketball doesn’t have this problem! It’s too confusing for the average fan. As a bonus, it’ll prevent some teams from retiring too many numbers, which is bound to catch up to us in a few hundred years. Penalty: Dead-ball foul and ejection of all players wearing the same number for a cumulative four quarters.

Removal of Helmet During or After Play. This is especially key in the new age of concussions and annoying since the dawn of HD television where every player wants his mug to be seen by the cameras. When they penalized taking off the helmet on the field, players started failing to properly secure their headgear so it would occasionally pop off, exposing them to more TV airtime. Making them sit out for a play doesn’t go far enough, it’s still way too common. Penalty: Spot foul, 15 yard penalty and ejection of any player whose hat wasn’t obviously ripped off by an opponent.

Playing Main School Fight Song More Than Ten Times Per Half.  Self-explanatory, but while long thought to be unduly punitive only to Tennessee, such a rule also opens up a can of worms about what truly constitutes a fight song. Georgia doesn’t actually have one, but Battle Hymn of the Republic can be a placeholder until they acquire/write it. Additional language might also be added about alternating the playing of Hold That Tiger by competing teams. Penalty: Dead-ball foul, 5 yard penalty increments. Exception: One additional stanza per touchdown scored.

More Than Five Uniform Combinations Per Season. For teams that don’t have tradition or heritage, you can always have style. If an alum just happens to own a large sporting goods marque, the temptation might be too great, but this is college football and not the fashion houses of Milan or Paris. All the uniform changes are hard enough for your fans–just think about the casual viewer on TV. Granted, some balance has to even out the Penn States and Alabamas of the CFB world, but we’re only a few decades into teams having both home and away jerseys. Penalty: NCAA level investigation, outfit one mid-major team for an entire season the following year.

Non-Use of Compound Sentences From Coaches During Halftime and Post-Game Interviews. You pay them millions of dollars and they are the faces of your programs. They ought to be able to string a few sentences together. The networks insist on putting these guys on air, they should be able to answer some simple questions with more than a word or two. Sometimes you’d think they’re politicians who were just handed a subpoena. Not all coaching interviews are made equal but some of these guys are boring. Penalty: Dead-ball foul, loss of timeout for second half or beginning of next game.

So which rule changes do you have?

I Bet the New Nick Saban Wears Pink Panties

By Posted on: February 17th, 2014 in Football 17 Comments »

pink pantiesLet’s put aside all this talk about being the best college coach in America. When Nick Saban boarded a plane recently to Indianapolis to whine about the Hurry-Up, No-Huddle Offense to the NCAA Rules Committee, he effectively told his rivals in the SEC that he has no answer for it.

The Old Nick Saban is dead.

The new one wears pink panties and answers to Nicki. The new Saban listens to Spandau Ballet in the car and cries with his wife while watching The Notebook. I bet he sits when he pees.

Forget those national championships. Late in his career, Saban just threw in the towel. He’s announced to the world that he can’t stop Gus Malzahn. Somebody put a sun dress on that statue outside of Bryant Denny Stadium.

Alabama just thought Harvey Updyke was an embarrassment. They are paying Saban $7 million a year and his answer to stopping the HUNH is to fly to Indianapolis and beg for mercy?

Washington St. coach Mike Leach thought it was some kind of joke when he heard the news that Saban was spearheading legislation to slowdown the offense in the name of safety.

“My suggestion is rather than spending a bunch of time coming up with a bunch of really stupid rules, spend that time coaching harder,” Leach said. “Worry about your own team and try to make your product better rather than trying to change the game so you don’t have to do anything.”

Under the proposed rule change, offenses would be prevented from snapping the ball until the 40-second clock hits 29 seconds (excluding the last two minutes of a half).

“The 10-second rule is like asking basketball to take away the shot clock – Boring!” Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy tweeted Thursday. “It’s like asking a blitzing linebacker to raise his hand.”

Not surprisingly, Saban has been unavailable for comment since his meeting with the committee. Then again, with it being Valentine’s Day on Friday, he’s probably been too busy counting the roses that Ms. Terry sent him on his special day.

Fortunately, most experts doubt the legislation will pass this year. This is not just an Auburn-Alabama issue. Texas A&M and Ole Miss run similar attacks, not to mention most of the Pac-12 and Big 12 conference schools.

Saban being a sissy won’t be enough to move the needle – not yet anyway. But you can bet he won’t stop trying. It’s the sign of an aging coach. Rather than adapt, you just try to change the rules to your favor.

He reminds me of the kid on the playground that cries because the basketball goal is too high to reach. The tough ones adapt, the weak ones go inside and cry to mama.

Somebody find Nicki a shoulder to cry on and get him one of those umbrella drinks while you’re at it.

What a joke.