With Nick Saban and Brett Bielma drawing all the attention and flack for their endorsement against HUNH offenses, we believe at TET that not enough interest is being shown for legislating against some of the real problems of the game. While other college football outlets might be reluctant to tackle these issues, we have no such compunction here. The following is a list of such high football crimes and the punishment we expect to be metered out, as suggested by notable college football blogger Draco.
Not Filling In Your Student Section. While every generation believes the next is going to hell, this would surely be my leading argument in any civil proceeding attempting to provide proof thereof. Apparently, Nick Saban was on to something with these little snot-nosed, entitled punks, not just leaving early but showing up at all. Why even matriculate at a football factory at all if you’re not lining up in the snow and rain for hours before a game? Cut the size of the box or give away the tickets if you must. Penalty: NCAA level infraction, loss of one schollie per year for every % point below 90 for conference games. (not even students can be expected to attend the cupcakes en masse).
Coaches Covering Their Lips While Mouthing Plays On the Sidelines. Since when was stealing an opposing team’s signals supposed to get so complicated? HD television opened this bit of clandestine observation open to even the casual viewer at home and no longer for just assistant coaches with binoculars in the press box and stands. Also, what else is one to do with a degree in sign language and lip-reading? If they’re going to snap the ball in eight seconds without allowing the substitution of defenders, it’s only fair that it is known what play they’re calling beforehand. Penalty: Dead-ball foul and loss of down.
More Than One Player With the Same Jersey Number. No longer is it allowable to just not allow them on the field at the same time. Can we please try and weed down the roster a bit? 100 slots should be plenty, even if you’re Nick Saban. Basketball doesn’t have this problem! It’s too confusing for the average fan. As a bonus, it’ll prevent some teams from retiring too many numbers, which is bound to catch up to us in a few hundred years. Penalty: Dead-ball foul and ejection of all players wearing the same number for a cumulative four quarters.
Removal of Helmet During or After Play. This is especially key in the new age of concussions and annoying since the dawn of HD television where every player wants his mug to be seen by the cameras. When they penalized taking off the helmet on the field, players started failing to properly secure their headgear so it would occasionally pop off, exposing them to more TV airtime. Making them sit out for a play doesn’t go far enough, it’s still way too common. Penalty: Spot foul, 15 yard penalty and ejection of any player whose hat wasn’t obviously ripped off by an opponent.
Playing Main School Fight Song More Than Ten Times Per Half. Self-explanatory, but while long thought to be unduly punitive only to Tennessee, such a rule also opens up a can of worms about what truly constitutes a fight song. Georgia doesn’t actually have one, but Battle Hymn of the Republic can be a placeholder until they acquire/write it. Additional language might also be added about alternating the playing of Hold That Tiger by competing teams. Penalty: Dead-ball foul, 5 yard penalty increments. Exception: One additional stanza per touchdown scored.
More Than Five Uniform Combinations Per Season. For teams that don’t have tradition or heritage, you can always have style. If an alum just happens to own a large sporting goods marque, the temptation might be too great, but this is college football and not the fashion houses of Milan or Paris. All the uniform changes are hard enough for your fans–just think about the casual viewer on TV. Granted, some balance has to even out the Penn States and Alabamas of the CFB world, but we’re only a few decades into teams having both home and away jerseys. Penalty: NCAA level investigation, outfit one mid-major team for an entire season the following year.
Non-Use of Compound Sentences From Coaches During Halftime and Post-Game Interviews. You pay them millions of dollars and they are the faces of your programs. They ought to be able to string a few sentences together. The networks insist on putting these guys on air, they should be able to answer some simple questions with more than a word or two. Sometimes you’d think they’re politicians who were just handed a subpoena. Not all coaching interviews are made equal but some of these guys are boring. Penalty: Dead-ball foul, loss of timeout for second half or beginning of next game.
So which rule changes do you have?
Tags: Alabama football, Auburn blogs, Auburn Football, auburn Tigers, brett bielma, Georgia Bulldogs, HUNH, ncaa rules committee, nick saban, sec blogs, sec football, Track emTigers, War Eagle Atlanta