I have been putting off writing this column all week, knowing that there will soon be a special place in hell reserved just for me. But I just can’t help myself. I have suffered with this since Saturday evening, right after our beloved Tigers finished beating the crap out of Arkansas State on the plains. At that point, I knew what was coming this Saturday. I knew that this week, for a variety of reasons, in my mind our Tigers would take a backseat against the Bulldogs.
There is one main reason, which we will get to in a moment. Normally, this week is bittersweet for me, because my father went to Mississippi State and is, of course, a die hard Dawg fan. I grew up cheering for the Dawgs, and for all but one week out of the year, I still do. This year, though, this is not the most important game to me. Feel free to post comments demanding your thirty pieces of silver from me after you read the following line. I would not blame you.
This week, I am a Bammer.
That’s right. This week, my undying, eternal hatred for the turds is officially albeit temporarily suspended thanks to one diabolical little spoiled brat: Johnny Manziel.
I literally hate everything about this little bitch. Everything. I hate his punk ass attitude, I hate his trash talk, I hate his constant ”LOOK AT ME!!!!!’, (My God, he’s like Paris Hilton with a p**is), I hate how he breaks rules and never pays any consequences, I hate his twitter feeds, I hate the fact that he won the Heisman last year thanks to playing behind 3 1st round NFL offensive lineman and he never gives them any credit, I hate that because he acted like such a punk ass little twat, that he got kicked out of Archie Manning’s football camp, dissapointed the hell out of some kids that came to see him, and never offered a sincere apology.
My God, I could do this all day. This little turd bump is the easiest person to hate I have ever seen. What is amazing to me is the fact that he seems to know he is a spoiled little (curse word involving bodily waste) and he doesn’t even care. He thinks the rules don’t apply to him because he is JOHNNY FOOTBALL. He is the living, breathing embodiment of every single spoiled little rich kid quarterback high school bad guy Molly Ringwald 80′s movie BRAT.
To top it all off, I now live in Texas, and have to deal with A&M fans. They are like Bammers, only worse, because they’ve never actually WON ANYTHING to back up all their trash talk. At least the turds have some BCSNC’s to back up their insufferable blathering.
This week, I am a Bammer. I am an Auburn graduate, on an Auburn blog, writing about how this week I will be cheering for Bama. I expect lightning to strike me any second now, and I deserve it. But I hate Johnny Football that much. Nothing would make me happier this week then to see some 350 lb lineman plant his cocky little ass straight through the turf, then see him struggle to his feet crying like the little bitch that he is. I know I am going to hell for this, and I accept it.
To see Johnny Football down there with me will be worth it.