2012 Auburn Football Fright-Fest

By Posted on: October 26th, 2012 in Football 23 Comments »
The 2012 season has provided a lifetime of scary stories.

Watching Auburn football has been nothing short of a nightmare this year. Sloppy offense, questionable team chemistry, and costly missed opportunities are just a few of the many issues the program now finds itself tangled in. Auburn is likely to not have a single conference victory this season, and stands a reasonable chance at not winning another game. I’d say that qualifies as ‘spooky.’

So gather ‘round the campfire boys and girls for the 2012 Track’Em Tigers “Fright-Fest” just in time for Halloween. 

The Official TET field office for unsolved mysteries. Also, in retrospect, I may have too much free time on my hands.

<ROBERT STACK VOICE:> Disappearances, UFO’s, Sasquatch, Who framed Roger Rabbit? – Mankind has long struggled to understand these and other similar unexplained events. Tonight I will take you on a journey to the edge of bizarre. A journey so mysterious that you will begin to question your own sanity.

<THEME SONG>….DOON DOON DOON DEENT DOON DEENT DOONT – DOON DOON DOON DEENT DOONDEENDOONT - DOON DOON DOON DEENT DOON DEENT DOONT – DOON DOON DOON DEENT DOONDEENDOONT

These day games are KILLING me!

Scot Loeffler must have a Cullen in his family tree somewhere. I’ve never seen a man suck the life out of anything as quickly and efficiently as he has with the Auburn offense. There are full-time janitors that don’t sweep as much as Onterio McCalebb does. I’m beginning to wonder if he slept walk and left his playbook in a broom closet and he’s too embarrassed to tell anyone. That would at least explain a small portion of the bizarre play-calling we’ve all witnessed. Wildcat anyone? I didn’t think so. 

Be sure and pick up an official Brian Van Gorder mask at your nearest Party City!

To be honest I am not all that unhappy with what Van Gorder has done with defense. I think they’ve (the defense) played well in most of the games thus far and have given us a fair chance to win more times than not. It’s not to say there have not been struggles, but when compared to this year’s offense and any defense we’ve had since Tuberville left, I’ll take what we’ve gotten so far. It is also nice to see a coach on the sideline have a pulse. This team needs someone with a fire lit underneath to spread that desire around. We haven’t had much of that under Chizik. 

This one time at mortician camp…

I willfully admit I don’t even know much about the the movie ‘Eraserhead.’ I know it is really strange and there is a man flying a planet that is actually someone’s head (I think). When I think about that I wonder what Jay Jacobs does all day when he isn’t improving many of the struggling athletic programs at Auburn. Maybe he’s just flying his planet/spaceship/head thing through space and stealing Under Armour shirts from the supply closet when he gets up to stretch his legs. I also like to imagine he and Pat Dye sitting in his office throwing darts at old Terry Bowden  jerseys (the ones with the orange drop-shadows) and listening to “Glory Days” on repeat. 

 

Chizik’s seat is beginning to fluctuate somewhere between leather car interior in July and accidentally sitting down on the sun.

 Has a national championship coach fallen on the wrong side of this fan base as quickly as Chizik has? Larry Coker probably has some inspiring words, but I can’t help but think that Chizik has begun adding to the end of the trail Larry Coker made on his way into the jungle of “well, that escalated quickly.”

In all seriousness, Chizik faces a lot of tough (and fair) questions at season’s end. Unless something drastically changes, he’s at least carrying a total whiff of an offensive coordinator hire with him into his end of season “evaluation.”  However, the overall performance of the team on the field as well as continued discipline issues likely point to much larger problems within the program. Let’s hope that he can get things turned around and avoid becoming the answer to a trivia question. 

(Pictured) President and Vice-President of the Nick Saban Fan Club.

All of these issues layered on top of one another can get really overwhelming. Luckily for us Auburn faithful we’ve got some in-state help to assist us in keeping track of what is going on with our football team. Enter Paul Finebaum. How the national media remains blind to the fact that this man is an Alabama Crimson Tide disciple is beyond me. He isn’t the Jerry Springer of college football – Jerry Springer is the Paul Finebaum of day-time talk shows. I know the worst thing you can do is give someone who is annoying you the attention that feeds their behavior, but in certain moments I can’t help but become slightly peeved that we (Auburn) can somehow maintain a steady stream of negative coverage from a certain nationally syndicated SEC radio program regardless of how successful we are or aren’t on the football field.

Want to know what’s going on in Tennessee Vol practice this week? Sorry, we’re covering a lost cell phone story of a football player coming out of Auburn. Plus, Danny Sheridan will be on at the top of the hour to discuss how much he enjoyed working with the cast of ‘The Walking Dead’ his recent rendezvous with the bag-man that provided the Newtons with $200,000 cash and the map to a cache of World War II era Nazi blood-diamonds. 

 

Don’t let the frightening path of the football program scare you into putting down your orange and blue in favor of something less than AUsome. We’ve been tricked for the better part of our season; perhaps it is time we were treated to a performance to remember under the lights tomorrow night in Jordan-Hare.

War Eagle! Beat Texas A&M!

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  1. wde1988 wde1988 says:

    “M-O-O-N” spells AU Football. LOL. This is good. Very talented… tounge in cheek fun.

    Keep this up! We need something to lighten the mood of how bad this truly is… I think you are on the right path. Love the pictures by the way!

    WDE

  2. Bren Dekura Bren Dekura says:

    Just to be clear…. (from everything I’ve read on the paid sites) Chizik has been meddling in Loeffler’s offense since after the Clemson game. By meddling, I mean highly involved in gameplanning, play-calling, and team meetings. The blame for a poor offense rests solely on Chizik’s shoulders in my opinion. Why a defensive-minded HC would do this is beyond me. Last year, he meddled on Roof’s side of the ball. This year it’s the offense. Look at how they did both years. What does it say about this micro-manager? Is he a control-freak?

    • KoolBell KoolBell says:

      If all this rested on my shoulders, you can bet your sweet ass I would be “involved”. Chizik seen before anyone else that he made a drastic mistake with Loeffler, and he has had to stay in touch with the game plan.

      It’s not the Auburn way to fire someone mid-season, and truthfully, all of the mistakes have not been Loeffler’s. He is not responsible for every false start, or interception thrown. Most especially, not for all the fumbles. The play selection, yes. Getting away from running the ball, when it is working, yes those things are Scot’s fault. Does SL need to be replaced? Yes, the week following the Iron Bowl!

      • wde1988 wde1988 says:

        I would agree with you. But it still doesn’t change the outcome KB.

        WDE

      • BigDaddyAU says:

        I agree with Kool. You better bet CGC is involved in the game plan and all three aspects of the team. However he’s not the one calling the plays each and every time. You can blame poor play selection on CSL. That buck stops on his clipboard. As the game evolves it’s HIS responsibility to pay attention to what is working and what isn’t working..rather than using his “Ask Coach Corso button” like you do in EA Sports football games.

        • Pine Mt Tiger Pine Mt Tiger says:

          Good point Big Daddy

        • wde1988 wde1988 says:

          Again… the out come is the same.

          What’s funny is that I agree with you… and if I were ultimately responsible for something – you better be dang sure I would be kicking the tires every chance I got (not to mention looking under the hood). Only problem is if I were doing it and still failing… Wha’t the the difference?

          The only thing that can’t be said – Chizik sat on his hands. Awesome!!!! But it doesn’t change anything. Does it?

          1-6. 0-4.

          Or did I miss something?

          WDE

  3. Jay Coulter Jay Coulter says:

    Awesome stuff Derrick! Man, you’ve got some serious talent. This is just what we needed on Friday. It’s good to lighten the mood around here. The Finebaum pic is my favorite.

  4. Tiger on the mountain Tiger on the mountain says:

    LOVE THIS!

    Nice job! And I don’t get the folks who are irritated that Chiz appears to be meddling with the offense. Would they feel better if he did nothing? Makes no sense, folks. Meddling can mean managing; it just seems like meddling to folks who prefer to be more independent- which are typically the folks that NEED the most oversight. If you ask me, Chiz isn’t doing enough. Like taking the clipboard and headphones away from Loeffler.

    • MyAuburn myauburn says:

      Hear Hear on confiscating the clipboard and headphones. SL obviously has no business calling plays. My wife has removed all hard objects that might break a TV screen from around my chair. Good thing too.

    • AubTigerman AubTigerman says:

      REC’ for truth.

    • Pine Mt Tiger Pine Mt Tiger says:

      Agreed

    • Bren Dekura Bren Dekura says:

      From what they’ve said, Clemson is the only time that we’ve seen the Loeffler offense. Hell I’d be happy with 374 total yards, 194 passing, 180 rushing, and 17 first downs at this point. The supposed ‘meddling’ took place after the Clemson game. This is all against a team that is 7-1 and looking pretty good. At this point, I don’t blame Loeffler. If the HC is telling him to run ‘misdirection’ and sweeps to ‘fool’ the defense, that is what he will do. If he is told to use OMac or Moseley, then guess what? He uses them. It all rests on Chizik. It’s unfortunate for CSL that this is the type of coach that he has to work for to debut as a coordinator.

  5. domaucan1 domaucan1 says:

    Thanks for a great light-hearted article to help us get over this trying situation. Keep up the good work.

    WAR EAGLE !!!

    GO BIG BLUE !!!

    domaucan1 from Big BR,LA

  6. mikeautiger says:

    Play calling has definitely runafoul some where. I stumbled on Wyoming vs Temple bowl game last December. I noted that the OC for temple was a better play caller than Malzon and wished we would investigate as Malzone was on his way to another school. I could not figure out what was going to be called next, it was great. I was thrilled when we got SL, now i am so disappointed. Now my wife calls the plays before they come to the line of scrimmage and she hardly knows the difference between offense and defense.

    Headed to Auburn now from SC. I will be pulling for my tigers with all I have. If we can just get 1 win it would make a major difference.

    War Eagle!

    • AubTigerman AubTigerman says:

      Its now apparent that Loeffler was only the Temple OC in “name only.”

      The real OC at Temple is head coach Steve Addazio. He was the OC for Fla for six years under Urbin Meyer. Loeffler coached QB’s one yr. with him and then he followed him to Temple.

      Loefler has been around one of the best but it doesn’t appear he learned much from the experience.

  7. AubTigerman AubTigerman says:

    Excellent post.

    Lot of good stuff here, from Finebaum’s picture to the line about Loeffler’s playcalling., “There are full-time janitors that don’t sweep as much as Onterio McCalebb does.”

    Appreciate all the work you put into this DR. Enjoyed it.

  8. Acid Reign Acid Reign says:

    …..Awesome stuff! Reminds me of the old days, when a group of us would hit midnight movies like Halloween, Friday the 13th, etc. and crack jokes. No one took more abuse than Freddy Kruger back in those days!

    …..Last week, LSU defensive coordinator Jon Chavis held A&M to 19 points. Know how he did it? Corner blitzing. The Aggies have an awesome offensive line, so you’re not going to do much with a four man rush, or even bringing a linebacker. Run a dime defense and keep bring ‘em from the edge, where the tackle can’t get back quickly enough. That is just as scary as Jason is, for a spread quarterback.

    • uglyjoe says:

      I saw the first “Halloween” (the only Halloween, for that matter), at a drive in. Granted, I was with a bunch of guys, but it was a blast. Michael Myers would take Freddy Kruger or the idiot from Friday the 13th in a heartbeat.

  9. WarEagleAtlanta WarEagleAtlanta says:

    Is that Finebaum’s sister with him? They look just alike.

    Funny stuff, Derrick. This site’s been missing a photoshop guy.