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1st and Five: Schadenfreude Coach Fails This Year

By on August 21st, 2012 in Uncategorized 24 Comments »

By War Eagle Atlanta / on August 21, 2012​

“If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all”.​ While that may be good advice coming out of your mother’s mouth, it certainly doesn’t help with composing a blog thread. With Auburn getting shut out of the recent AP poll top 25 poll and barely getting any respect from anyone else, it’s tough listening to all the fawning over these other teams with none for your own. Since everyone has us written off, let’s talk about them instead–and out of the side of our mouth.

While it’s hard for to actually hate or even dislike teams in their entirety, coaches are another matter. Each season, it’s coach, and it’s circumstances are distinctive to a team–a perfect storm of admiration, indifference, or hate. It’s also pretty easy actually to dislike some of these guys while still having a grudging respect for their program. Maybe for strategic or tactical reasons you need them to fail in a given year. All I’m saying is don’t get too comfortable with your list. Be flexible!

It might be tempting to just list the coaches of your biggest rivals on here, but you really need to think for a second about what guys have grown too big for their britches and need to be taken down a notch or two on a national stage and scale. And with scalpel and pen in metaphorical hand, I present my 1st and Five list of the coaches I’d enjoy seeing have the biggest face plants in college football this year.

1) Dabo Swinney, Clemson: Pretty easy pick, I’m sure you’ll agree. After his post Auburn game antics last year and with the pending rematch in less than two weeks–I’m sorry. This just in: West Virginia has scored yet again in the Fed Ex Orange Bowl​. Yea, might be good to get a little fired up over Auburn with a lake. After winning their first ACC title last season since FSU joined the conference twenty years ago, Clemson’s season did catch fire after the Auburn upset, but crashed in flames with the blow-out bowl loss at the hands of the Mountaineers. I like Clemson the program, as long as they know their place, but their Bammer coach and his big mouth are my top candidates for a little failure-joy  this year. Next!

2) Lane Kiffin, Southern Cal: ​Aren’t you already sick of the USC love-fest since the AP poll came out? Barkley for Heisman? Really? Why is it always the USC QBs that play in a conference with no defense that are touted for the highest honor every single time the Trojans are expected to do well and not on probabtion? And what SEC fan can forget what a basket case Kiffin was during his short tenure down south, leaving Tennesee like it had a disease. This guy is all mouth and no bite and I want to see him wimpering on the sidelines quite a bit. There’s a chance they could play my face PAC team Oregon twice this year–once at home and then a possible CCG rematch. Go Ducks, or would we want Kiffin to run the table only to get clobbered by a SEC team?

3) ​Urban Meyer, Ohio State: Urban is an asshat no matter what conference he’s in but I only feel comfortable saying that now that he’s left the SEC because there’s always some chance he might still use his vindictiveness against a silly old blog. Hey, I’m only half kidding there. Here’s what I really don’t like about Meyer. The guy hung it up because of health issues after he acheived the pinnicale of success in this sport. I can’t stand the athlete or coach who can’t let go of the spot light. He left because he thought the pressure might kill him. Now he jumps into an even bigger pressure cooker. It’s crazy. I don’t want to see him pay the ultimate price for his vanity. Perhaps some very-below par years in Columbus might put him out to pasture again soon. Or into an early grave. The only saving grace is that it’ll never be as hard or sweet as it was in the SEC.

4) Mark Richt, Georgia. He was on my watch list last year for a meltdown, ​especially after starting 0-2 against Boise and South Carolina, but the Bulldogs went on a ten-game run that took them all the way to Atlanta. Personally, I like Richt, although his disipline with his players is quite lacking. But he’s under-acheiving in the East, especially with Tennessee in shambles for a few more years and south Carolina under Spurrier still not living up to their billing. Dog fans want more and Richt may not have it in him to deliver. Besides, Auburn has a Georgia problem, losing the last five of six, and anything to upset that apple cart is needed–not to mention opening up recruiting in the Peach State as well. Bulldog fans are even forgetting

 5) Mack Brown, Texas: Another coach who’s stayed on too long for his own good. ​Many deep in the heart of Texas though Mack Daddy wasn’t long for the pasture after Colt McCoy left and that devastating loss to Alabama in the 2009 season national title game. The tapping of Will Muschamp as ‘coach-in-waiting- didn’t sit too well with Mack, who soon reasserted his intentions to stay a spell longer. Factor in Texas blowing up college football two years ago and I think we have a clear cut choice for a schadenfrued performance for 2012.

​Who you got?


  1. WarEagleEngr WarEagleEngr says:

    What if we turned it around? Who are the coaches (other than our own) you would like to see succeed? My list:
    1. Bill Snyder – Continues to work miracles at K-State, without cheating, or letting his ego explode.
    2. Kevin Sumlin – Don’t know that much about him but he always comes across as a decent, composed guy. Hope he does well his first year in the SEC.
    3. James Franklin – Fiery coach who’s not resigned to letting his team be a perpetual pushover.
    4. Chip Kelly – I have a soft spot for the Ducks after encountering so many decent Oregon fans in Arizona. I hope they get a title before he’s done.
    5. Tommy Tuberville – Still admire the guy…

    • Todd Eubanks says:

      Good idea….
      1. Bill Obrien… about having an uphill climb.
      2. James Franklin……as long as it doesn’t come against us.
      3. Derek Dooley…..he is kinda extended family after all.
      4. Tommy Tuberville…..yeah I am still a fan of Tubs as well.
      5. Joker Phillips….same as James Franklin
      6. Charlie Strong…..always been a fan even though he coached for the Gators.

  2. Acid Reign says:

    …..I think you’ll find a few folks in this space who wouldn’t mind a little Mullen pain! And while we’re on Mack Brown, add Will Muschamp to the list. His little blow-up prior to leaving Auburn still doesn’t set well with me. I blamed it all on Jay Jacobs at the time, but I’m pretty sure I was wrong, based on Jacobs’ track record since.

    …..Watch out for Kiffen and USC. He’s a clown, but he’s a clown who’s a pretty good offensive strategist. And he’s got some talent to do it with. They are going to have to stay healthy, though.

  3. Pat Sullivan says:

    Well I can understand why you overlooked him as anyone over 12 usually does, but what about the Tuscaloosa Tyrant?

  4. ColeLoco says:

    As Acid said, Mullen would be on my list, due to the fact that he has so much arrogance while coaching an average team, at best. Mullen was definitely NOT the most helpful with the Cam stuff, and I will have absolutely no respect for a coach who’s only beaten Ole Miss in the west.

    William Christopher "Dabo" Swinney would be at the top of my list as well, as his arrogance is horrendous as well…YOU didn’t beat Auburn, your team did, and how about you stop advertising for Alabammer in your post game talk, and start crediting your team and the effort that they showed in their comeback.

    And finally I put Lane Kiffin on my list as well. With a family full of Tennessee grads, I’ve always been a Vols fan second…and the crap he did with Tennessee was unbelievable, and the college football world will soon realize his team’s success is because of Matt Barkley, and his father, Monte.

    Great post, I’m looking forward to reading the responses!!

  5. Bill Sewell says:

    Got to put Steve Visor high on my arrogance list. His facial expressions really show how arrogant he is.

  6. Bill Sewell says:

    Wow, it worked. Glad to be back guys.

  7. Todd Eubanks says:


  8. Todd Eubanks says:

    I gotta go with

    1. Dabo
    2. Mullen
    3. Meyer
    4. Liffey
    5a. Saban
    5b. Miles

  9. Todd Eubanks says:

    Took me a while but whatever your doing for the apple coding enabled me to finally log in although I couldn’t see the entire login prompt I made it in.

    • War Eagle Atlanta says:

      Todd, for Apple products and some other mobile devices, you have to go into the story before you can get the comment prompts. If you try to look for them from the main page, they won’t appear.

      We’re trying to get all these issues resolved. you guys stay patient with us please!

      • Todd Eubanks says:

        Up until today it wouldn’t give me the option to sign up or log in when I would try to comment from within the article…. it would only show "unknown user" "awaiting moderation"… it had the sign up and log in prompts but I couldn’t scroll or zoom on it so I had to keep typing my email and password blind until I got it right….and you know I’m here and will wait as long as it takes…..this is home.

  10. Kool Bell says:

    I like this.
    Let’s do both sides of the story.

    Let em stink – Urban myth Meyer, Willy Boom Boom Muschamp, Dan dumbass Mullins, and Lane Kiffen whom I just can’t stand.

    Who would I like to succeed? Rich Rodriguez, Jimbo Fischer(sp) Al Golden, Chip Kelly, and most importantly, Gene Chizik.

  11. Tigertracker . says:


  12. Revan1977 Revan says:

    I totally agree on Kiffin. I hope Bama or LSU or Georgia or a darkhorse SEC team meets them and just destroys them.

    2. Chip Kelly. I hate the ducks with their 500 different ugly uniform combo’s and their gimmicky fast paced offense. They are undersized on defense and yet you never hear about that. And yes their supposedly Elite offense could not even handle the 2010 Auburn defense, and I am not trying to troll when I say that but ya’ll know that defense wasnt that good.

    3. Rich Rod. He single handedly ruined a traditional power with his gimmick offense. On the other hand I should be thankfull he turned down Bama. I just have never liked the guy.

    4. Mack Brown. How does he not have like 10 National Championships? He has every advantage there is.

    5.Les Miles. He defys all football logic with his management and crazy tactics that should blow up in his face but yet he gets away with dumb calls for the most part.

    And I am doing a 6th one. Yes it’s Chizik. It doesnt matter who is at the helm at Auburn but he gets under my skin for some reason. I think it is all the family and friendship and all that and after seeing Shula and dubose not being stern and getting on people when they screw up has made me not respect coaches that are not stern.

    • sparkey chris says:

      On what planet does Chizik not get on guys when they mess up? Friendship stuff? You’ll have to quote that to me I haven’t heard him say much on friendship just FAMILY.

      In other words, you don’t respect Chizik because he’s not a jerk like other coaches in the state. I’ll be the first one to say that I’m quite unahppy with the Auburn players’ off the field issues. It is out of hand and I would think after a shooting like that our guys would be mindful to stay out of trouble.

      Maybe you should watch Chizik more before you talk about him because you’re obviously ill informed on his coaching method. And while I do have an issue with the off-field troubles, I applaud Chizik’s stance of zero tolerance. You screw up you sit. Period.